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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin: Week 12

Thanksgiving came and went.   And strange things are going on when my wife says to me … “Just who is this Tim Tebow?”   Oh Tim Tebow.   You have gone from the outhouse to penthouse when my wife is asking about you.   Welcome to the world where sports ends and Kardashian’s begin.   But back to the week that was.


Where Has All The Offense Gone?

With three weeks to go you have visions of three wins and a division title dancing in your head.   A little bit of division victories.   It all begins with this week … NOT!   Dez Bryant goes for nothing.   Larry Fitzgerald can’t find the connection.   DeMarco Murray is not in the end zone.   Vernon Davis is away from the house.   My replacement QB Matt Leinart goes down. Heck!   My Kicker Neil Rackers outscored my QB, RB, TE, DST,WR, and even my Flex Player. What is so wrong with this picture is what is wrong with my team.   That is the nature of the NFL.

Race To The Bottom And Top And In-Between

The NFL races this week. It races to the top with a team like the Green Bay Packers who are still undefeated. The 1972 Miami Dolphins still are keeping that champagne on ice. It races to the bottom with the winless Indianapolis Colts. Somewhere in between is the drama of the next stage. At this point we can comment on the nature of most of the NFL. If your team is made up of any team that is under .500 all I can say is “Good Luck To You”. It is no secret that the teams with the best record have the best fantasy football team. I consider this to be only four teams this year with records of five games over .500. The race to the bottom consists of teams three games below .500 or worse. That number happens to be 13 teams. So why is everyone in my fantasy football league at .500 with the exception of two teams? The two top teams have guys from the top four for the most part and we are all cherry picking from the bottom 13.  

Parity Is Gone … Long Live Parity!

I find myself wildly thrashing about like so many of the teams in the NFL. With 13 teams three games or more below .500 and 12 teams three games or more above .500 the haves and have-nots seem to be more numerous this year. But in this environment, there appears to be weeks where any team can win on any given Sunday. This means that parity is alive and well. But it comes with a price. That price appears to be long droughts where your team does not get in the end zone. So get into the end zone by finding someone to bolster your lineup. Who? Just read Coutts’ Waiver Wire Wonders and start a streak of your own. This week’s diary entry is about avoiding death … again!  

Dear Diary

This is the week I count my blessings and give thanks. I give thanks for many reasons. One of the primary reasons is that I successfully cleaned out gutters that were 50 feet high and lived to tell the tale. It is my Mount Everest. The only problem is that Sir Edmund Hillary had his Sherpa guide Tenzig Norgay.  

I do not have any Sherpa guides whatsoever and I empty the gutters all the same. I believe that my wife is in the group of people that cannot believe that I can climb all that high and still survive. I am either too manly or too stupid. I think I know that most believe in the latter, rather than the former.

But I do it nonetheless, and may I finally stop when I have the smarts to believe I am no longer capable of such a feat. Until then it is my Everest and I get to gloat about it every year.

 Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles .

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