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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Week 13

We are now slamming into Christmas season.  As you know, it is the season of giving and taking.  It is the season of heartfelt thanks that you will spend some time with loved one.  For those lacking all of that, it is a lonely time.  To you I say seek out the comfort of a neighbor or if you have too many friends and family provide some cheer to the elderly.  Sing a silly Christmas tune with the music blaring in the car on the way to work.  For I have found that my own inadequate crooning skills seem to not bother me whatsoever.  For the craziness that is around all of us can be sedated with not a pill, my friends, but a predilection towards all Christmas things.  Take time to absorb those holiday songs and say a prayer for everyone who has loved ones in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the military for there are comings and goings.  To some it will be an end and to others a beginning.  As far as the team goes, it looks like this week the team eats a good large piece of Humble Pie.  It now looks like we may need two boatswains instead of one…and an accountant!

The Fruit of Your Labor

So we cut down the X-Mas tree last week and decorated it with lights and ornaments.  The whole ordeal is very much like the whole fantasy football season.  You head out into the wilderness with a saw to get the very best tree you can find.  You find a tree with all the perfect branches in the raw winter cold and a southern hemisphere sun.  For some, the tree you pick comes home, gets put up and decorated in record time.  For others, the stump doesn’t fit the stand so you cut some limbs off only to find out the limbs you cut played an important role in that Southern hemisphere lighting situation you had going on about an hour or two ago.  And when you turn the tree all that is left is that hole you swear was going to face the back wall.  Some call it serendipity.  Other’s call it Murphy ’s Law.  I call it life.  Eventually, your investment in hunting and taming and decorating a tree results in a fancy illumination called your own.  The holiday glow it gives off brings warmth into the household and it somehow mostly doesn’t ever catch on fire or fall over.  What have you done?  You have witnessed the fruit of your labor.  In Fantasy Football, the team you have now is the result of all the hard work you have put into it and for some reason, many of us have very large holes.  But it sure was fun getting toward the end and now this is the bed you must lie in the rest of the year.  Surely a hole will plug the gap, but the regular season is closing in on us and with one week to go I have a tree with holes and my season rode on the back of this week.  We needed to win this last week to have a chance.  Well, my friends, team lacked offense and before the Monday Night game, I had a season low 29 points!  You need at least a 100 to think about winning…and thusly it was not to be.  I am out of the playoff picture.  We will have a second season in my league.  I just hope I can avoid last place and a battle for the chum bucket like last year.  Even on the Demolition, the excitement of Mawu has given way to accountants and now, dare I say, boatswains.

Captain’s Log – 12-6-2004 – 11:00 PM

The allure of the previous week’s team performance made the Demolition react with tingles of delight of the upcoming week.  If we handled the next two obstacles with aplomb and “O”, this boat division just may be flying the colors of the Demolition.  “Artemis!”, I inquired. “What do we have for the next obstacle?”  Artemis noted that it was uncharted waters so there was a chance for …”Sea Monsters, Kraken, etc”  He referred to them as the …” bouillabaisse of barbarians beseeching our demise”.  After a pause, I stated…”You know Artie, you jus’ may have taken me speaking book to the next level.  I will duly note your literary acumen and after the season is over, we shall commiserate on the loss of your ignorance, now shan’t we?”  It was at this time a terrific thud struck the newly repaired bow of the demolition.  It felt like we ran aground but there was no ground to be had.  We were stopped for what seemed like an eternity when we hoisted a brave soul onto a swing and dropped them below.  After a horrific scream we brought the white-eyed sailor up quite a bit frightened and all he could let out was a groan of …”Calamari”.  Artemis tried to convince the sailor that Calamari is what you eat when you would like some squid and ‘ol Smelly Britches had a great recipe and that all we lacked was a piece of that beast to cook up.  At that very moment, the giant arm of a certain cephalopod mollusk grabbed at the crew and took down our mainsail.  We fought it off the ship but we had lost our momentum and our “O”.  Mawu was resting and the boatswain called an apprentice because he needed more help. I had to call an accountant to leverage the last of our investments to pay the boatswain soon to be boatswains.  In one week, we had experienced such a high only to be followed by a low which doomed the Demolition to mediocrity.  “At least we are at sea” I noted in me journal…”at least we are at sea and doing the thing we love”.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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