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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Week 14

The end has arrived and either you are the shark or fish bait.  That is the standard line.  But then there are the teams that did not miserably fail and those that just did not make the league championship tournament.  These would be the not quite bad enough to stink up the joint but not good enough to win the whole shebang teams!  That would be the Demolition this year my friends.  I guess everyone cannot win.  And that is the cruel irony of it all.  Some people think that winning is everything.  Unfortunately, it probably is the only thing that gets noticed.  However, there is another group. That would be those who at least get in the game.  Somehow, just being in the game long enough will eventually reap the benefits of a championship.    Sure, it is the milieu of tepid emotion.  Not bad enough to get angry.  Not good enough to get excited about the possibility of a championship.  Very even steven.  Let’s talk about the end of the season and how to continue if your league has alternative playoffs.  Oh by the way, the Captain finds a luxurious cruiser this week aboard the HMS Demolition.  At least it is not the dingy he found last year.

Qualifying For The Not In Playoffs Group

My league has three tournaments at the end of the year.  There are the Playoffs for the three league winners and the wild-card team.  Then there is the Not In Playoffs (N.I.P.s) group, which are teams 5-8.  The Virgin won the last week to qualify for this group with a thrilling come from behind Monday Night victory by 3 points.  Tony G. for the KC Chiefs hauled in 14 points of offense which was good enough to win by three and secure the N.I.P.s (no pun intended) Playoffs spot with a 7-7 record.  Not too hot and not too cold. This whole year has been even steven and so that was how it went.  If your team stunk up the joint, have no fear.  In some leagues there does exist a championship for the group who finished between 9th and 12th place.  It is affectionately known as the Bucket Bowl in our league.  That was what the Virgin played for last year so I guess this year cannot be considered all that of a loss.  Just to be in the N.I.P.s group carries with it a … “at least I am not in the Bucket Bowl!”  … feeling of superiority.  Like I stated last year, I still contend that it is mostly a random feeling but it seems to be real when you have won and hollow when you haven’t despite all the randomness.  This week, be aware that it is one and done.  Watch out for teams that acquire the defenses who will play poor offensive teams.  Those bad teams sometimes don’t play so well down the stretch and getting shut out is not out of the picture.  Those teams are playing for a number one draft pick and make for easy defensive points.  Every point does count.  So off to the N.I.P.s championship for the Demolition it is going to be.   Speaking of the Demolition, they have a passenger to drop off and instructions to get to now don’t they? 

Captain’s Log – 12-13-2004 – 11:00 PM

We came back and defeated the next obstacle and dropped off Mawu.  She was good enough for a 2 – 1 record down the stretch but we needed to be 3 – 0.  She always gives us a present for her passage and this case was none different.  She presented the Demolition with an honorary Boatswain Voodoo Doll!  It was so realistic that the Boatswain aboard the Demolition squirmed as I jammed the pins into the doll’s wee little heed (head).  After thanking Mawu, we were off to the playoffs.  Like every year there were three ships at the end of our journey waiting for us at the finish line.  There was a resplendent frigate, luxurious cruiser, and a dingy dingy (din-gee ding-ee).  Artemis noted that all ships had hoisted flags of the vessels in the competition.  Our flag flapped in the breeze of the luxurious cruiser.  Oh well, “…At least you are not playing in the bucket bowl” chirped in the Boatswain and his approving apprentice. Well, that at least meant we were still in a tournament.  To the victor went a chalice of silver instead of a goblet of gold.  Such be the spoils of those caught in between winning and losing.  Artemis noted that the luxurious cruiser did not require us to open the hatch in the lower deck like last year and we received the directions of the new course from the Captain of the luxurious cruiser.  He seemed to be pining for Captaincy of the resplendent frigate.  Such is the life of us all.  We want the highest and best and sometime cannot live in the present which sometimes just isn’t so bad.  We then set off with three companions who came in around the same time as us.  We felt better that we were still in a competition for a chalice of silver.  I screamed “On to the elimination round of the chalice of silver festivus”  and the crew old and new shouted balooo.  May your team be there at the end and giving its all as well.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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