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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Week 15

Happy Holidays!  We are winding down Fantasy Football at the Virgin office.  One more article about the last fantasy football game of the season and voila, we open up the prognosticating arm of the office and write about some football games.  Before I continue with the article, I would like to have everyone direct their thoughts to our brave men and women in harms way in IRAQ and Afghanistan.  Some tables where they serve the roast beast will be lonely this holiday season.  I send my gracious thanks to all the families who endure this time of year.  Now back to the week that was.  I am thinking even-steven.


What is the definition of parity in fantasy football?  8 out of the 12 teams in my league finished with identical 7-7 records.  How the heck does that happen?  It happens because on any given day you have ½ a shot at winning. And after enough of those 1/2s come and go, you have even-steven.  So in Fantasy Football, we run through the season with guts and insight.  What kind of insights occurred this week?  Only the bad kind so let’s play a little word game called You Know You’re In Trouble When … ok?

You Know You’re In Trouble When

1)     Your team has ridden the glories of a certain E. James and now that the Colts have clinched home field throughout the playoffs.  What will be the result?

2)     Brad Johnson is now playing against a Steeler team that is their first opponent with at > .500 in a while.  Is the Magic over?

3)     The Vikings Defense has been spectacular of late … but they are playing the Steelers this weekend.  Is that over?

4)     Green Bay goes up against the Ravens on Monday Night, will Samkon Gado deliver against that defense?

5)     Green Bay goes up against the Ravens on Monday Night, will Donald Driver catch and catch?

6)     You wake up on Sunday only to find your Tight End is injured.  My wife declared it to be fine and I said wrong Tight End!


So What To Do?

So here is what was done to address each of the 6 keys to the week. If the result is good, the sentence will end with a Switzerland YO-DELAY-EEE-OOOO. If it was bad, you will get an UH OH.  If it was neutral, how about a nice A LITTLE DIS & A LITTLE DAT. 


1)     You play E. James anyway because he is that good.  All you ask is for his average which is about 20 points.  The result was 12. UH OH. 

2)     Brad Johnson is a no go so pick up D. Garrard.  Johnson gets 3 points and D. Garrard gets 18. YO-DELAY-EEE-OOOO.

3)     Drop the Vikings defense, pick up the Patriots defense (for next week) and go with Miami.  Miami has to win!  Result 16 points vs. 13 points. A LITTLE DIS & A LITTLE DAT.

4)     S. Gado goes NUNKA with 5 points.  UH-OH

5)     D. Driver goes NUNKA with 8 points. UH-OH

6)     Only one Tight End is available because you never put in a permanent backup. Spending too much time pulling in RB.  So you play B. Fletcher just in case the Colts go with an all backup team.  B. Fletcher goes J.B. Fletcher on you and gets 0 points.  UH-OH


How Many UH-OHs Can You Survive?

I think in this universe of Fantasy Football, you can only survive one UH-OH.  And if your opponent goes YO-DELAY-EEE-OOOO one or two times, you are done.  So, I was done and playing in the consolation game in week 16.  But at least I knew I was in trouble and changed it up a little.  Got to be on your toes in this competition.  Got to be on your toes.

 Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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