Thursday - Nov 14, 2019

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 15

The bucket is ours! Or so it may seem after the first week of the playoffs for the bucket bowl. The bucket bowl is awarded to the best team in the third quartile of three quartiles of teams in Fantasy Football.  It is just a nice way to say we are the bottoms of the heap battling for the bucket.  However, not does a victory make a week, lest be the season.  We are a hearty bunch this week as we discuss Mother Nature victories and prospects for a Merry Christmas indeed Mr. Scrooge.

Mother Nature Victories

This is the time of the year for the ultimate victory.  It is the last week of competition.  The virgin will still expound extemporaneously about the football playoffs but after this week, there is but one more competitive article.  Sometimes to secure the ultimate victory is with the defense.  That is to say it is better to have a defense that is enduring a Nor’easter.  Regardless of the outcome, Nor’easters even the score.  This past weekend, there was such an occasion.  I had Pittsburgh and my opponent had the Miami Dolphins in Miami.  It was a snowstorm at the meadowlands, which ended in a 6-point loss for the Steelers.  But those were the only six points given up by that defense and even this losing defensive team outscored my opponent in sunny Miami.

Playing The Weather Card

This is also the time of year to watch the weather map as much as the game.  If a snowstorm is hitting the U.S., grab a team that is playing in that snowbowl!  The result is usually both teams put up a horrible offense.  The resultant outcome is a Mother Nature defensive contribution.  When properly played out, the result is a score that is more than meek and not a Scrooge at all.  The points this last week contributed to the cause and easily added up to 15 points or even more.  This combined with an interception or fumble recovery becomes an ideal foul weather play.  So remember this, my friends.  All is fair in Love, War, and the Weather, especially in New England.  Speaking of fair, how did the captain fair this week?  Happy Holidays to everyone. Let us see.

Captain’s Log – 12-15-2003 – 11:00 PM

We know the bucket is a bit of a boor and represented the lowest prize in all of our fantastical effort this season.  The effort expended for such occasions are appropriate and even warranted.  We still wanted to go for it so we did.  The mainsail was tightened and the wind was at our back as we entered the competition area.  With that we put our best conscripts forth and met the enemy on the open sea.  All I can say is that there is a reason us teams finished below .500 and in the last quartile.  The ultimate sacrifice was made and our cadre finished ahead.  We ended up waiting for our second opponent and the group was waiting for them in the morning.  We knew that the foul weather would make it a low-scoring affair for our defense.  We hoped that even taking tea in the afternoon had its mess and the defense would deliver and it did.  Artemis mentioned that all things are not created equal in the snow and we agreed to take all victories into our grasp.  We hoisted a tankard of Pale Ale to slake our thirst and I shouted …”Onto the Bucket Bowl Championship!”  The crew responded with a hip-hip-hooray and we had successfully completed our first bucket-playoff game with a victory. 

Master D.






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