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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin : Week 2

The shock of fantasy football is sometimes breathtaking. In Week 1, Tom Brady goes off. In Week 2 … well not so much. In Week 1, Pittsburgh has to lose without Ben Roethlisberger. They do not lose and after this week have the nerve to be 2-0. Even though it is breathless, please take this advice. Breathe! Breathe! That is why you play the games and that is why it comes down to fact, not opinion. The facts are the stats. That is as simple as it gets. For me, I am waiting on a couple of friends to get me over the hump.

Oh Where, O Where Are You Mr. O

Mr. O is offense. It came to me alright. It came in the form of Mike Nugent who I sat on the bench. Now I need Vernon Davis and Garrett Hartley to deliver me eight points. Just eight! I always write the Virgin articles around halftime of the Monday game so I can assess my chances. The chances are just not that good. There appears to be a lack in Mr. O. In the end, my team reached out and crossed the goal line on the back of Davis. So I start the season 2-0. Lucky me. Speaking of luck, the NFL is filled with 2-0 franchises that are starting to shake themselves out.

2-0 Who Is a ‘Contenda’? Who Is a ‘Pretenda’?

Teams start out 2-0 and miss the playoffs. Teams start out 0-2 and make the playoffs. It is just how that oblong cowhide covered spheroid bounces some days. Ever since Miami went perfect in 1972 and the playoffs to win it all, football fans wonder if it will happen again. The Patriots got to the final game only to lose. This year, there are eight teams that are 2-0. Last year there were also eight at this time. The Green Bay Packers appear to be a ‘contenda.’ The Kansas City Chiefs appear to be a ‘pretenda.’ Do not count your chickens until turkey time folks so this will go on ice until that time. It is just so amazing how anyone can think they know anything about the landscape of professional football, yet until a proper trend is established. Once established, the wee melon fills in all the blanks like you knew it all along. But don’t evaluate until turkey time. It is an enjoyable drama, isn’t it? Speaking of drama. All I can say about survivor is “Who the What?”

Survive The First Week … Not!

I always write a small paragraph about how I lost the Survivor pool. Just pick one team that will win. It is the first week. How about the San Diego Chargers against the Kansas City Chiefs? It should be a no brainer! Yeah. Just like Minnesota hosting Miami this week, right? Kansas City was 4-12 last year. Four and 12! Come on! And then Kansas City has a special teams play here. Oh no! A Kansas City defensive play there and bam! No more survivor. And after this week there are 147 others out at I would have been out in Week 2 because that Minnesota game was just too enticing.

Dear Diary

I have to mention the Boston Red Sox. Hey. You have to notice I mentioned it ad nauseum during the halcyon days of 2003-08. I even mentioned it in 2009 with a half-hearted “Let’s look forward to the playoff” piece in my article. But all I can say is that this year has tried the recent Boston Red Sox fans souls. I personally had to remember where I kept that panic button.  

I actually found the panic button that I discarded in 1998. I completely forgot how to spell panic in 2004 and 2007. Panic was a long-faded memory like Game 6 of the American League Championship Series I attended in 1986 with my best friend John C. I guess I saw it used for the first time by my family after Game 7 in 1975 on Oct. 22. My parents let me stay up for the game that night.

But, I first used it in my adulthood in 1992 and hit it regularly until 1995 because I always considered 1986 an outlier. And then I hit it some more from 1996 until 1998 and then Nomar Garciaparra came and went and the rest is history. I guess you can say $170 million can buy you a lot but it cannot buy you a healthy team 100 percent of the time.  

Just like your fantasy football team; strange injuries make your team vaporize into thin air. And if you are playing against a team comprised of Arian Foster last week you know exactly what I am talking about. Or even Jahvid Best! It goes from “Who is this guy?” to “Holy cow … how can I lose this week because of Neil Rackers!?”

Welcome to fantasy football. Welcome to chaos.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the ‘Diary of a Fantasy Virgin’ articles.

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