Tuesday - Jan 26, 2021

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 3

The Virgin is alive and well.  And, well, sheepishly you may notice that I have been escalated to Senior Staff Writer.  I take this honor because my editor stated that this privilege may be bestowed upon me for my 50th article.  My friends and fellow Fantasy Football aficionados, this is the Virgin’s 50th article.  I have been here since the beginning in 2002 and will humbly serve you the Fantasy Football Fanatic ‘til the Virgin’s dyin’ days. This week’s Golden Anniversary will be a loss, but we will never stop fighting.  That is the pledge of the Fantasy Footballer!

What Is This Place?

So, I log on to the computer on Sunday evening expecting an easy victory.  And sure enough, I have 121 points.  Now 121 points is not that bad in Fantasy Football.  Heck, I won the week before with 96 points…and comfortably I might add.  But then the brow upon your very forehead furrows…much to your chagrin, your opponent has 134 points!  That is the way it goes sometimes in Fantasy Football.  You throw up a decent week and your opponent is decent-er.  Pardon my English folks but the randomness of this sport is killing me!  I am up one week and down the next.  I am giving myself a fair shot but am being destroyed out of a random opponent who just so happens to have a good week!  The Virgin has his chin-up but is feeling the milieu is overwhelming.  We may have to start some different players.  The disappointing part is that I had two Bye Week players not go but still scored 121 points!  Arrggh!  Let’s see what the Captain is doing this week.  There may be a visit to an atoll!

Captain’s Log – 9-26-2004 – 11:00 PM

“Artemis!…..Arty!”,. those were the cries I let out after settling down to a good meal of roasted hasenpfeffer with potatoes.  Artemis obliged the Captain and appeared at the front of the vessel.  “AY..YAI Cap’n” he spoke.  I stated … “ Artemis..this week has some players resting at an atoll, how do the numbers look?”  He returned to me with ..”Cap’n, our numbers our solid…this obstacle seems doable.”  When I asked what was the obstacle this week he proclaimed that it is going to be trickier than ever.  He went on to state that it had all the makings of a Bermuda Triangle Affair.  “Not a B.T.A.! I exclaimed”…and with that I noticed that the back-end of the ship was gettin’ foggy.  “Artemis!” I shouted…”I think its here!”  And sure enough, a Pea Soup blanketed the Demolition and it was so quiet you could year a pin drop.  Without any wind, we were at the mercy of the elements and without a straight vision; we were at the mercy of ourselves.  Very soon afterwards, our hull was met with a large thump!  The Pea Soup had led us off-course, into a current and onto a reef.  “Arrgghhh! “ I shouted from the top of me lungs but the fog rolled and rolled.  We spent two days on the reef and by the time we were free, our week was over and we succumbed to the navigational gods.  We had lost again and all we could think about was our lost potential and the mandatory players on a bye. Arrgh indeed.

Master D.
Senior Staff Writer

Tim can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.


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