Friday - Feb 22, 2019

Home / Uncategorized / The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 5

The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 5

Delirium is setting in.  All scores are seemingly irrelevant.  Nothing surprises you anymore.  Even a 21 point comeback in the Monday Night game leaves a ho-hum feeling in you.  It must be the affliction of how-did-I-get-here-it-is.  The only pill for this is the bitter pill of defeat.  At least you are on the field and in the game, it has been said.  Yeah, that and a quarter may get you a local call…if you can find a pay phone.  Cheshire cat losses and the captain’s rhetoric fill the screen this week.

Cheshire Cat Losses

You have experienced this.  In fact, all the people watching the Red Sox and Oakland A’s bottom of the ninth inning have witnessed it.  For the Red Sox game, the Oakland players in the dugout expressed uncommon happiness when the camera flashed into their summer homestead when it was 2nd and 3rd and 1 out with Derek Lowe up against lefty pinch-hitter Melhuse.  However, no runs came across and the smiles were unfounded at worst and premature at best.  In Fantasy Football, it goes something like this.  You check out your live scoring and your opponent is done for the weekend.  They scored 121 points and are the best team in your division.  All of this is impressive.  But you decided to play David Boston and he busts out for 45 frickin’ points and you have 101.  But you have your QB and your defense yet to play.  Your QB is Tommy Maddox and your defensive team is the Pittsburgh Steelers.  The Steelers are playing at home against their bitter rivals the Cleveland Browns on a Sunday Night football extravaganza.  You smile like a Cheshire Cat.  All the stars are aligned and Tommy Maddox alone has gotten you 18 points in the past and the Steel Curtain will easily deliver four!  But your Cheshire Cat smile is hollow and vacuous.  It is devoid of all meaning because the opposite of what has happened in the past occurs.  The Steel Curtain defense is not and Tommy Maddox is just not throwing right.  It has to be really bad for you to lose …  and it is. That smile is a Cheshire Cat grin.  It seemed so real but you jumped the gun.  The smile did not take the reality into effect.  Due to the very delicate nature of our species, optimism reigns and the smile is the selfish pursuit of predicting that optimism.   Somber tones are emitted from the Captain’s French horn this evening.  Obstacles are real and the group is behind.

Captain’s Log – 10-5-2003 – 11:00 PM

I took out me French Horn and played the crew a ditty that harkened of me youth.  Artemis joined in with his squeezebox and we pursued a respite from the rigors of the first four obstacles.  We knew we were behind and all of our efforts had not been rewarded.  Injuries and losses mounted so the song consumed us with glee.  Then, the fifth obstacle appeared of the starboard bow.  We thought we’d steer clear of the rocky crag but our rudder was weak from the battle with the Kraken.  As the coral scraped along the side of me vessel and the crew was sent a strewn on the deck, our navigation, which had seemed so certain when we departed five weeks ago was faulty and our team couldn’t find their way.  We are battling but coming up short.  Even a festive rondo could not lighten the mood as the fifth week burdens us all with another loss.  We be 2-ships behind and all is not well.  

Master D.

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.