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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 6

“I felt a great disturbance in the Force…as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.” Obi-Wan Kenobi -1977-Star Wars

That would be those Yankee fans Ben Kenobi!  It sometimes takes Star Wars to put everything into perspective.  I mean, in New England, we have been one-upped by the Yankees all of our lives.  Heck, my dad was born in 1929 and he has seen the Red Sox one-upped all of his life by the Yankee franchise and he is 75 years old!  Before I go any further, you must remember that the Yankees are a professional organization and there are very real reasons why they have won 26 championships and the Red Sox have won 0 since 1918.  But those reasons may not matter when you come back from a 3-0 deficit.  I have a brief statement about the series and then a little bit of help to all the Yankee fans who had the World Series taken right from under their Mariano Rivera 2 blown save nostrils.

The Boston Red Sox vs. The New York Yankees – Ha!

Last week there was talk about being crestfallen.  That was before the Red Sox were down 3-0 of course.  Now, it is a dream spectacularly filled with glory.  This is only the Pennant!  I just hope they have enough in them to win the World Series. Now one of the things we can actually do is help you Yankee fans.  We have comprised a list of common Red Sox type questions that we have been answering all of our lives.  We, at Red Sox Nation’s capitol have been fielding a lot of questions from concerned Yankee fans.  They feel obliged to come to us with questions because we have been losing since 1918 and yet we still are fans. 

“Dear Master D.  We had a 3 – 0 lead over the Red Sox and leads in both Game 4 and Game 5 how can I cope with my despair.”

Answer : There is always next year

“Hey Master D. Our Yankees have two teams, the Old Yankees like Bernie, Jeter, Posada, and Rivera who are professionals and they have been run over with these prima donnas who make a ton of money yet give up home runs in Game 7 and keep us from getting to the World Series.  How can we fix this problem?”

Answer : I am thinking….There is always next year

“Master D. Why do I feel so empty inside? Is this what losing is like?”

Answer : Let me see … There is always next year

“Master D. The Red Sox have always choked, but never this badly.  How will you make it through the tough Northeastern winter?”

Answer : This was sent to me by a Yankee Fan when Mariano Rivera was warming up for the 9th inning in game 4. I guess my answer would have been … There is always next year

Well…this is getting us nowhere Yankee fans.  Come back and see us next year, OK?  You are morphing into a team clubhouse run by high-paid hooligans.  Money isn’t everything and I could give you 180-ish million reasons why OK?  Peace.

Football? What Football?

Football is occurring, I can sense it and The New England Patriots are undefeated.  That is not the story this year so far.  Please see the first ½ of the article if you are confused as to what is happening in New England.  Still then we play the games…so shall we?  Well week six is an even number so what does that mean?  Yes it means a win and it just so happens it was a great week where Messr. Gonzalez d’ Tony of De Chiefs d’ Kansas City came through and scored very well.  It only took 5 weeks to get out of the funk but we will take it.  So get your team out of the funk by picking up a Denver Bronco Droughns or a Chester Taylor.  These players are definitely gone in your league but every week someone emerges.  Even Anquan Boldin is trying to come back early.  Be on the lookout and persist.  You will be rewarded.   So what did the Captain do this last week?  He was not paying attention.

Captain’s Log – 10-18-2004 – 11:00 PM

“Captain!….Cap-Tain!….CAP—–TAIN!” Artemis was screaming for me but I was not payin’ him no affairs.  I was gettin’ me scores from my Sox d’ Red via Sports Radio Free Pigeon Courier.  “The next obstacle will be here…and just sittin’ in there will not make it go away.”  Ah, the folly, the updates, the different sport.  The last pigeon brought news of a comeback and possible triumph.  They had to escape the musings of the FOX of course but they brought the information nonetheless.  And then it happened … The final pigeon reported on the final score and I answered me door….”What yer needin’ Arty?”  “Well”, exclaimed Artemis, …”whilst you dawdled the day away with yer scores sir, the obstacle came and went and we…overcame it”.  And whilst I paid no attention to nothing but the caring and feeding of the Pigeon Network, the week came and went thusly and the outer decks called me out and I saw the day with me bleary eyes.  I had stayed up all week late into the morning collecting the updates from them birds.  All I could think was…where the heck Arty learned the word dawdle?  And me ale was stale for there was another possible two weeks worth of pigeons coming. How will I cope?  I guess it will have to be done through the multitasking of separate instances.  Only the log will reveal these flights of fancy.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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