Saturday - Jan 23, 2021

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 7

The Virgin came back from vacation even steven.  What is even steven?  Well I will tell you what that is.  It’s a record of 1-1 which is better than 0-2 and worse than 2-0.  This article will tell you what vacation for the Fantasy Footballer is like.  It is filled with rumor and innuendo and hurricanes.  Yes I was in Florida.

Football By Reference

This was how fantasy football was done before the computer if there was such a thing.  Essentially, you hear everything by reference.  You spend the day vacationing and get a ½ hour or so before bed to read all of the information and the bottom-line.  Luckily, the sports shows have a Fantasy Line that describes how each player is doing.  Something like E. James 23 for 150 yds 2TD.  You look at that and say to yourself … ”Self, I have E. James!  What a monster game!”  But without access to a computer, you can’t tell if your opponent is having a great game.  That is football by reference.  How about Football by hearsay?

Football By Hearsay

And then you find yourself walking by the ESPN Club in Orlando and you hear … “Bulger is out of the game with an injury”.  And you say to yourself … “Self, I have Bulger but you do not get his line and it becomes a worrisome ponderous journey that only lasts until you get to the next piece of eye-candy.  Then all is forgotten until you get the last minute opportunity to get at a computer.  You only have 10 minutes because your lovely wife is getting a facial.  What to do?  That is Football via the one way conversation.

Football By One Way

It is Saturday, and without access to your website, you have only 10 minutes to send a message to the person covering for you this week.  What do you do?  You write the best e-mail you can but without the information you need at hand, it becomes an arduous chore filled with mis-information.  It is awful but at the time you think it is a piece of literature worthy of bringing you a much needed victory.  Then you get home and get the results.  And its woulda-coulda-shoulda time.


All those things that were so easy to see just cannot happen.   For example, Torry Holt was declared injured sometime on Sunday.  But, the person covering for me did not see it and Torry Holt Played.  Had one of my bench players played, I would have one but that is woulda-coulda-shoulda at the very best.  Don’t worry about it.  Worry that your best running back is in the bye week and you are going to be exposed for the sorry running game you have.


That is Fantasy Football from the Cave that was DisneyWorld.


 Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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