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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 7

This time last year was
my last loss which got me to 3-3. I then ran the table and won the first-ever fantasy
football championship for the Cromwell Demolition. I am weary this year, folks.
But I am not weary enough not to notice all the beautiful colors in

New England. So are those people renting that
Ford Expedition and stopping the side of the road to take a picture of that
tree. Hey you! Yeah, I am talking to you! Oh the week that was.

Please Have Some Chips
With That Fish

The NFL is in this grand
experiment. Let’s send football overseas and play in Wembley Stadium. The only
thing more outrageous and imperialistic would be to have the New York Yankees
play baseball against

on a pitch in Mumbai! It all works on paper. Everyone appears to be enjoying
themselves. There are NFL jerseys all over the stadium and the game appears in
all of its grandeur. But it is akin to ramming soy down the throat of a
carnivore because it is the right thing to do. It is a fine experiment and no
doubt the responsibility for bringing NFL to a football (aka soccer) stadium is
rather large. But what is the end game? I openly wonder if the sport needs fans

because everyone from

is already sucked in. The only vision I see are leagues in Europe, Asia and

Africa where the end game is a really large
world party known as the World Football Championship. Not that soccer one every
four years. Another one. Is that why we are playing the World Baseball Championship
in baseball? Why do I have a feeling we would lose this World Football
Championship just like we lose the World Baseball Classic? Hey, have you looked
outside lately? Be prepared for the leaf invasion.

Preparing For Leafles

Leafles are people who
love the leaves in New England but are not currently living in

New England. They invade our borders, rent
all the vehicles in the area and take pictures of every beautiful square inch. It
has been going on for three weeks now and it is ending dramatically in


New England this week. Places like
Mystic and


are in the cross-hairs as the last golden-reddish hue flashes brilliantly
across a warm sunlit sky. The leafles come and then they just go. This year,
the colors are more majestic than I remember. I hope it’s because of the rainy
summer, because if it isn’t I am just getting all emotional as I get older. Anyway,
I welcome all the Leafles great and Leafles small. Welcome to our tiny hamlet
named after big

It was supposed to be

only newer. Look where that got us.

Dear Diary

As the leaves turn that
terrible brown, I am reminded that we are coming upon yet another winter in

. You can get lots of wood and make many fires but every
winter has a different feel. This one has this ominous foreboding freezing
feeling, the kind of winter you wouldn’t mind being sent to

for a three-month assignment kind of feeling.

Hopefully, it is just a
feeling, and in reality it ends up being no big deal. We have many signs that
have been passed down. There is the Farmer’s Almanac. There is the color of
wooly bears. There is the number of dead squirrels you see on the side of the
road. I like that one because you see, the squirrel is so more sophisticated than
Doppler 8000. The squirrel and his buddies have been able to figure out the
upcoming winter is going to be horrible so they have to run across several
roads in order to gather enough acorns to survive the upcoming cold winter. Riiiiiiiiiiight!

So watch out for
squirrels, wooly bears and farmers on Halloween and turn your clocks back. The
extra hour of sleep will give the squirrels more time to forage before their
impending collision with that Leafle-driven SUV.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at
and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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