Tuesday - Apr 23, 2019

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin : Week 7

OK, I see you over there. Who am I talking about?  I am talking about that sweet old lady taking a picture of that maple in front of the church. Yeah, you! Thank you for coming into my town. I know the leaves are great, but you are creeping me out with the slow driving already. You can’t rent a vehicle. You can’t get out of the way of those beautiful crisp autumn days. The aromas are unlike anything you can remember. It is now that football starts to get serious. And my fantasy team is in need of a miracle.


Stop paying attention already. I know I wrote my parity article last week, but it did not include a statement on the Cleveland Browns beating the New Orleans Saints. It did not have two words about how Oakland was going to drop 59 large on the Denver Broncos. By the way, the Raiders did not score a point in the fourth quarter.   So, 59 points in three quarters? What the what? The Buffalo Bills scored 34 points on the Baltimore Ravens defense, but did not win. But, they certainly covered. This means there is juxtaposition in the fantasy football force. That means this week it could be all good or all bad.

It’s All Bad

Why is it all bad? Well to make a long story short, I really miss DeSean Jackson. I know he has been up and down and up, but when he is up he really goes for many points and the Philadelphia Eagles missed him this week. The Tennessee Titans went-eth by air, however, and this meant no touchdowns for Chris Johnson. This combination is not to be overcome when you are playing your roommate from college and FantasyShark guy Rob Schare! His team has Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco! Blasphemy! That two-way receiving core ran me all over town and I am now 4-3 and sporting my first two-game losing streak. But remember to always be improving. Look to add a Patrick Crayton from the San Diego Chargers or even the Steve Johnson dude from the Buffalo Bills. As long as you are always improving, such losing streaks go by the wayside. Now I must comment on the Leafle population.

Preparing For Leafles

Leafles are people who love the leaves in New England, but are not currently living in New England. They invade our borders, rent all the vehicles in the vicinity and take pictures of every beautiful sunrise, mid-day and sunset New England has to offer. It has been going on for three weeks now and it is ending dramatically in Southern New England this week. It peaked in my hometown this last Thursday with a scene right out of Norman Rockwell. A maple lined street raining down beautiful oranges, reds and yellows all to my amazement. Places like Mystic and Stonington, Conn. are in the cross-hairs as the last golden-reddish hue flashes brilliantly across a warm sunlit sky. The leafles come and then they just go. This year, the colors are great but they came and went quicker than ever. This is unlike last year where it seemed to last and last. I can only blame the lack of rain this year. I am not getting emotional as I suspected last year. Ha! Anyway, I welcome all the Leafles great and Leafles small. Welcome to our tiny hamlet named after England. New England is a treasure and it is meant for all. Just make sure you leave before the first snow hits.

Dear Diary

The leaves are about to crisp up and descend to the earth. They will fall right onto the lawn which I will promptly blow into some available corner in my yard no doubt, all while avoiding the neighbor’s lawn in the process. It is good to be bracketed by a place to blow leaves. I have friends and co-workers that place their leaves into these large bags which eventually get taken away. What a weird life for those leaves. They just fell and now they are miles and miles away. My leaves stay around and turn into dirt.

This winter does not have the foreboding nature of last year. Last year we had our first snow fall in the middle of October, and by December we had a full blown storm that resulted in a white Christmas. There appears to be no such warning. In fact it has been quite pleasant.

New England
can change at any moment and it most likely will. No wonder Mark Twain loved to live here and comment on the curmudgeonly locals who spoke of the weather as if it could be changed.

But it can’t so I won’t … mostly.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at
and welcomes your opinions on the “Diary of a Fantasy Virgin” articles.

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FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.