Saturday - Oct 19, 2019

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 9

Going, going, gone!  I am not talking about the home runs the Red Sox did NOT hit in Game 7 of the LCS from the 9th inning on.  As a Red Sox fan you need about two or three weeks of space to just talk aloud about anything.  I am talking about the statistical probability of not making the playoffs or maybe even winning a game for the rest of the year in my fantasy football league.  When a player isn’t hot, they never seem to get out of their funk.  That and another obstacle collides with the bow of the HMS Demolition this week.  Can someone get me a shipwright to look at my bow?  I will have to talk to my boatswain.  Did I entice a boatswain aboard?

When You’re Hot You’re Hot … When You’re Not … Well

The saying goes when you’re hot you’re hot and when you’re not, you’re not.  Just when a win came along in week 8, week 9 was a Bye week for an RB of mine.  Now when you only have two decent RBs and one of them is out, you need more from the other fellas in dance party.  By the way, did you hear that scream after Elam pulled his groin on Monday night coming from the New England region?  That was the scream of “I just cemented another loss and the season”.  This means not only that all of my tricks have not worked but it also intersects with a late season injury during the middle of a game only lost by a few points.  This must be a sign or an omen.  I warned everyone that Voodoo would become the norm and all of the neighbors have locked up their chicken coops tighter than a drum.  I wonder why?  I will be looking up some Voodoo curses this week and report to you how those go next week. 

Captain’s Log – 11-03-2003 – 11:00 PM

I got the standard report from Artemis and noticed that a few of the boys had gone ashore for a little R&R.  We did sign up for this when they came on board and knew weeks ahead of time who would be going ashore and what specific week they would have their leave.  But that was weeks away at the time and this week all of those birds came home to roost.  Without the services of one of the RB we congratulated last week, the result was close but another obstacle slamming into our ship.  Now we are listing and the fine gentlemen we drafted onto this vessel are bailing in shifts while repairs are made.  We came all this way only to get beaten up in every form imaginable but we still forge ahead.  Our crew is trying their best but injuries and untimely departures have left us dazed, confused and befuddled.  Word comes in from scout ships that our opponents are easily pulling away.  We need a miracle.  I may have to call on some Voodoo folk I met in the Lesser Antilles awhile back.  Artemis doesn’t trust them any because he has chickens for pets and let me just say that chickens and Voodoo folk are akin to Colonel Sanders back when he was deciding on a Hamburger joint or a Chicken joint.  We know who lost that battle.  Extra crispy anyone?


Master D.

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