Wednesday - Jan 27, 2021
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The Doctor Is In

Draft day can bring boundless joy and excitement; but, for some, draft day causes less desirable symptoms such as shortness of breath, fatigue and insomnia. It could be the jitters, or it could be something more serious. Luckily, if the following 10 afflictions are caught early and treated, they should not hinder your ability to draft your fantasy dream team:   

1. Bye Polar Disorder

Symptoms: Panic attacks that occur mid-season after a starting player is injured and you realize you drafted two players in that position with the same bye week.

Cure: Be sure to draft additional running backs, wide receivers or quarterbacks, as appropriate, to fill in for bye weeks or injuries.   

2.  Wes Nile Virus

Symptom: Temporary blindness to the value of players who catch lots of passes when drafting in a points per reception (PPR) league.

Cure: If you play in a PPR league, try to pick up at least one possession receiver like Wes Welker

and T.J. Houshmandzadeh


3. D-mentia

Symptom: Disorientation causing owners to draft a defense too early or too often.

Cure: Be wary about drafting a defense before the tenth round in a 12-team redraft format. Because good defenses are usually available on the waiver wire, avoid the temptation of drafting two during your draft. Instead, spend that pick on a flier running back or wide receiver.

4. Toxic Mock Syndrome

Symptom: A massive headache and shortness of breath on draft day caused by confusing data from too many mock drafts.

Cure: Don’t be afraid to get online and start mock drafting, but when it comes to draft day, it’s time to trust your instincts.  

5. Addiarrhea

Symptom: Nausea caused by drafting stud players who will likely be rested during the fantasy football playoffs.

Cure: Worry about the playoffs when you get there. Instead, take a deep breath and pick the best player available.   


Denver Bronchitis

Symptom: Laryngitis caused by Broncos’ coach, Mike Shanahan, who jerks fantasy football owners around by changing his starting running back, often with little or no warning.

Cure: As Clint Eastwood said, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?” If you draft Selvin Young or any other Bronco running back you may hit the jackpot and land yourself a Top 5 stud. More likely, however, your symptoms will continue all season.




Spotted Fever

Symptom: Heartache when owners are deliriously attracted to players which a propensity towards injury such as Donovan McNabb and Brandon Jacobs.

Cure: While a “Boom or Bust” pick can result in excellent value, more often than not it will give an owner a massive headache when the player ultimately goes down with a serious injury. Have a safe alternative on the bench or, better yet, try to nab that player’s handcuff if you can.

8. Posting Traumatic Stress Disorder

Symptom: Owners have flashbacks and anxiety about posting on message boards after they have been mocked by members of the league.

Cure: Grow a pair and talk some smack. Don’t take your league so seriously, or you’ll have a heart attack before LT is elected to the Hall of Fame.

9. Goreaphobia

Symptom: Uneasiness drafting players with stud potential who were massive letdowns during the previous season.

Cure: Do your research. Changes in team personnel and upgrades from the draft can alter a player’s performance drastically.

10. Sharkalepsy

Symptom: Inability to sleep due to pulling all-nighters reading the great forums on

Cure: Likely only considered a disorder to the spouses of members of The Tank. Read on – real sharks know a great website when they see it.


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