Tuesday - May 21, 2019

Home / Commentary / The Easy Life

The Easy Life

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

Me? I have an easy life. I know it. I’m immortal, my memory is backed up and preserved …BZZT…inside a U.S. Air Force base in one of the Rocky Mountains. I’ve made so much money gambling that I can support my fabulous life without sweating about cash. Women? Well, if you’ve been reading this column for years, you know – women aren’t a problem for me; except when I have to let them go. My friends are the biggest movers and…BZT… shakers in the Northern Hemisphere. I’ve known U.S. Presidents , business mavericks, sports stars, artists and was a bona fide member of the Rat Pack. Heck, I’ve even palled around with a Pope or two, and as we all know, the Pope is the spiritual leader of millions of people. I know I’m very much stress free (except for the creeps and morons I sometimes encounter).

The other end of the stress spectrum – Joey ‘Cement Shoes’ Carboni. Little Known Fact – he’s the first General Manager of the Copacabana on the Strip. I met him when he first came to town in 1968. He was a fidgety sort. His eyes were always darting left and right, as if he was looking for someone to jump out of the shadows at him. He was right to be afraid. Here’s…BZT… a second Little Known Fact about Joey – he’s the only guy I ever met who got his nickname posthumously. He disappeared in 1969, the same night as the Moon landing. Joey – he had his enemies. And they really disliked him. They gave him cement shoes. But instead of dumping him over the Hoover dam, they just left him in the desert, just out of eyesight of the highway. It took him three days to expire – and would have taken longer if a red ant colony hadn’t taken an interest in him. Yeesh…ugly. Joey, he was the most stressed out person I ever met.

Not far from Joey on the stress scale are NFL coaches. John Fox and Gary Kubiak both suffered considerable health setbacks this past week. Kubiak, I can see where the stress is there. His team has underperformed…BZT… worse than poor Cement Shoes’ Copacabana on the Strip. Fox? You would think that guy has the easiest job in the NFL (he does), but that ain’t saying much compared to the rest of us. Take it easy guys. And while you’re at it – someone have a cholesterol intervention for Andy Reid – please! Look at that guy! He worries me.

NFC

I wrote this last week –
Nick Foles will start for the Eagles this week against the Raiders. Let’s see – a road game, against an AFC West team who has no aspirations this year? Expect a big game from Foles.”

– I’m gonna let that germinate. I think Foles is closer to the guy we saw in Oakland than the guy who messed the bed against the Cowboys. I don’t know if that works in Chip Kelly’s offense, but Kelly should be able to adjust his offense to fit Foles. Now the Oakland secondary was pretty bad Sunday, slipping and sliding everywhere, but some of that is because they were out of position. The rest of this season should be about Foles for the Eagles. Is he the guy? Can he play in a big game? I personally think Foles must have been sick when he played against the Cowboys, I don’t think he choked mentally – if I’m right, the Eagles can concentrate on other areas in the draft next year and will be a force in the NFC.

The Saints really do stink on the road, don’t they?

With a win this week the Redskins (that is an abominable name, isn’t it?); against the atrocious Vikings , creep back into…BZZZT… relevancy in a weak NFC East. Except for home games against the Niners and Chiefs, the schedule is very doable for Washington.

Goodbye Mike Smith, goodbye! Errr… for those of you not in the Atlanta metro area, Mike Smith is the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons.

My pick for game of the week – of course, it’s the Saints and Cowboys game. A close second, though, to the Niners and Panthers. This is the litmus test for the Panthers, if they win, they move away from the kid’s table to be a contender. Did I throw in enough bleeping analogies there?

AFC

I feel terrible about Gary Kubiak and John Fox going down. That sounds nice, but really I am just weeping for the fans of Houston and Denver now that complete buffoons like Wade Phillips and Jack Del Rio are responsible for NFL teams again. The Texans are also-rans anyway, but Del Rio has a good chance to really bungle up a Broncos team that is a legit Super Bowl contender. Suffice to say, I’m really liking Arizona -three over Houston in the desert this weekend.  And if your guy is taking action on the number of times Phillips looks flustered and confused, jump on the over.

Interesting thing this week is the Jaguars playing the Titans – mostly because the Titans are only one of a handful of beatable teams on Jacksonville’s schedule.  Winless through eight games, and without a legit starting QB, it’s not hard to see a winless season on the horizon here.

Everyone is noticing the Steelers this year, because they are playing in ways that Pittsburgh teams traditionally never play.  No offensive line, very little defense, and a paucity of anything resembling toughness. One exception – Ben Roethlisberger. If we ignore the severe missteps he’s taken off the field, Roethlisberger is just the kind of franchise QB you’d want for your team. Too bad, really.

Oakland at the Giants is just about the worst thing in the league. You should pay attention to the fantasy exploits of one Terrelle Pryor, however. He’s the new goldenlegs. I am a complete sucker for rushing stats from my fantasy QB. He’s probably still available in your league, and if you just lost someone like Aaron Rodgers, you could do worse. Pryor will probably run for 1,000 yards this year, and if you tack on a couple more TDs, that’s a decent waiver fill.

I have stopped paying attention to the Baltimore Ravens. I guess the important thing is that flags fly forever, and also that Joe Flacco got paid. But it doesn’t seem like this team is very close to contending any time soon. Have you seen Ray Rice’s stats this year? Less than 3.0 yards per carry is not going to get it done, pal.

E.J. Manuel plans to return for the Bills this weekend, so pay attention.  He was showing signs of life prior to going down, and there could be some financial benefit to following Buffalo down the stretch.  Everyone thinks they are terrible, but the have been competitive with Manuel under center.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.