Saturday - Jan 23, 2021

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The Last Row





VERSUS  Packers



Now, we know we sound like a broken record, but we were worried about this game. The Eagles clinched the NFC East last week versus the lowly Giants, would there be a let down after that game? Sure, the Eagles said all of the right things after that game, “We’re happy about it,” Brian Dawkins said. “But it’s not like there’s elation. There’s no bubbly and no cigars. It was just another workday.” Dawkins also went onto say that anytime Brett Favre comes to town, he gets jacked up.


OK, so the team is saying all of the right things, and yes, they are a veteran team…but still…The Packers are a veteran team, and this game meant more to them than the Eagles. Yes, the Falcons were nipping at the Eagles heels, with only one more loss as the game day began…but still…The Packers hadn’t locked anything up, not their division, not a playoff berth – nothing. Also, there is the old great motivator in the NFL – revenge.


The Packers’ season ended last year at the Linc. They blew the game, and the blame should not have been handed to their defense. Their offense blew the game. Yes, the Fourth and Twenty Six play was the beginning of the end for them, but they should have won that game. The Eagles were severely banged up on offense and defense, two of their best players on each side of the ball were out (Westbrook and Carlos Emmons). We believe that the game was the Packers to lose (in perfect hindsight), and they lost it.


The Packers’ defense is…well, they are not good. They can generate a good pass rush, but that’s it. This year, the Packers have been winning on the back of their offense. They have been aggressive for the past few games. Whether they are running or passing, the Packers have a very good offense, with or without Ahman Green. Offensively, we feel the Eagles and Packers are equals, but the Eagles have a big advantage when lining up the defenses. Since the Eagles put in Jeremiah Trotter at starting MLB and moved Mark Simoneou out side, both players have been better. Also, giving Sam Rayburn and Hollis Thomas more time at DT has strengthened the defense greatly, especially against the run. But still…


The Packers simply had more on the line this game. If the Eagles had as much on the line, we believe the Eagles would win 8 times out of 10 at the Linc. The Eagles, however, did not have as much on the line, and we were sure Favre could have a great game given all of the motivation he had. This game was a real test for how the coaching staff and veteran leaders could maintain focus throughout the week.


We were able to obtain a couple extra tickets for this game. Tom’s brother, Jim, joined the festivities – as did Tom’s girlfriend, Gretchen. Speaking of Gretchen – note to Tom ‘Buy more of that ‘special powder’ that keeps Gretchen interested in him’. You never know what sort of goodies you’ll find in Little Haiti, for any of your voodoo needs, check the Little Haiti section of your city.


We had a nice, short tailgate – we headed towards the stadium around 2:15, two hours before kickoff. We wanted to get to the stadium a bit early to see some of the sights around the stadium we don’t normally see. There’s a lot of stuff going on right outside the entrance to the stadium (but after the ticket takers). There’s bands, food stands and more merchandise stands (more chances to give money to the Eagles…fun!). We stopped by a tent which had a couple of beer bars and a bunch of TVs. We watched the end of the Falcons/Bucs game and headed to our seats.


We discovered an escalator that goes up to our level. We usually don’t enter the stadium the way we did Sunday, so we never used the escalator before. It was very nice. Technology – it’s very useful. (If there are any groups looking to advertise technology in general…we suggest using ‘Technology – it’s very useful’ as a tagline.)


The weather was beautiful. There were a few clouds, but the temperature was in the mid fifties at kickoff. The Sun set before 5 PM, and it started getting colder, especially with the wind where we sit, but it was still a very nice night, the skyline looked really nice too.


Once the game got underway, we were treated to one of the best single-game performances we had ever witnessed.  Now we aren’t just saying that lightly…  We saw an amazing offensive performance coupled with a great defensive effort – blended together perfectly and served in a big tall glass of “Shut the Hell Up Juice” to the Packer fans, the Eagles nay-sayers, and ESPN analysts.  (And Merrill Hoge, too.  How did you like that Balloon Knot ?!?)


Oh, the air wasn’t let out of the Packers sails right away… losing 7-0 at the end of the 1st quarter wasn’t a hole that the Packers couldn’t climb out of.  Then came the best offensive quarter that Eagles fans have ever seen, at least for those of us under 40.  We watched the Birds score 4 times in a single quarter – all of them offensively.  And not only 4 scores, but 4 scores when they were only on offense for 7 minutes and 42 seconds.  That’s just sick!  (And in a good way, not in that week-old Sushi kinda way.)


McNabb had a career best game, throwing for 464 yards (a team record) and 5 TDs.  Only a single fumble in the first quarter marred an otherwise perfect afternoon for the leader of our offense.  He set his carreer best in TD passes with 28 so far this season, and he still has 4 weeks left to add to that total.  He even managed to set an NFL record for completions in a row, tossing 24 and beating out Joe Montana’s old record of 22 consecutive completions (over 2 games).


T.O was simply amazing, grabbing catch after catch, including one that almost hit him in the feet, but that he caught, and managed to get big YAC for it.  (Hoge – YAC is “Yards After Catch”, NOT a wild, shaggy-haired ox.  Always happy to inform you of new things that *might* help you sound more intelligent Merrill.) Owens also broke the team record for 100 yard games in a single season, with his 7th so far.  And with his 1st quarter TD grab, giving him 14 on the season, Mr. Owens became the all-time record holder for Eagles WRs in TD catches.  If he catches one more over the next 4 weeks, coach Andy Reed will lose a bet he had with Owens at the beginning of the season, and have to wear tights to practice. 

[Editors note: Gentlemen, you can forget your planned medical claim for therapy sessions to get over the shock and horror of seeing Andy Reed wearing tights – although we wholeheartedly encourage you to seek professional help for a variety of personal issues we’ve noticed around the office.]


Speaking of Andy Reed, he also became the Eagles all-time winningest coach, with his 67th victory.  (Special props to Brian Westbrook, too – the speedy RB caught over 150 yards of passes, and falling just shy of 200 total yards for the game.) Oh one more thing – Favre’s games-in-a-row-with-at-least-1-TD streak was snapped by a defense that smothered him and the entire Green Bay offense all day long.


The mood around the stadium was simply giddiness, watching the Eagles roll over the Packers en route to their dominant victory.  The only problem with the game was that the Eagles scored just too darn quickly.  About ½ way through the 3rd quarter, some of the fans started heading for the exits, after it had become woefully apparent that the Packers had absolutely NO chance of putting up any kind of a fight.  And by the 4th quarter, the mass exodus was on.


The game was the longest we can remember in a long time, but we can tell ya’ – it was well worth the price of admission.  After watching this game, if the Eagles don’t win the SuperBowl, they never will.

[Editor’s note: Damn – there goes another payment to the NFL for using the name of THAT championship game again.  It’s coming out of your pockets Dolfi and Walls.]



Cheers!! – A local Irish band, Blackthorn has an Eagles fight song, which was debuted on WIP, a local sports talk station. They are a very good band, they have a cool song named ‘Celtic Symphony’ – It’s a great drinking song, with some cool parts you can shout along with. Anyway, you may want to check it.


Back to the point, they have a very short Eagles fight song they whipped up for this year. Right now, it only has one verse, but the rumor is that they are working on a second verse. This song has a neat chant for the chorus, though.


‘Teeee-Ooooh, Teee-Oh, Teee-Oh, Teee-Oh

Teeee-Ooooh, TO’ (Repeated twice)


Well during the Redskins game people in our end of the stadium started singing this towards the end of the game. It was really cool. It was like one of those chants you hear during soccer games – half singing, half yelling. Now say what you want comparing Eagles fans to soccer hooligans, but you can’t beat the sense of fun MOST soccer fans bring to being a spectator. We don’t know if you could hear it during the game, but it was pretty loud to us. We’re pretty sure this is a cheer that will be very popular at Eagles games in the future.



Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, B****!!! Award – This was a hard decision, there were so many good hits by the defense in this game.  We were originally going to give the award to the entire Green Bay Packers squad – because we LOVE when they come to visit.  (No victories in Philly since 1962 – thanks for being so easy Packers.)  But then all that changed in an instant, when we saw who should be singled out for our beloved WTTCOBLB Award – William Henderson.  There he was, scoring a 4th quarter TD against the Eagles second stringers, in a game in which the Pack was behind by the score of 47-3, and he spikes the ball and celebrates?!?  For what, Henderson?  Did you even notice the scoreboard at that point?  Was the celebration just a spontaneous outpouring of emotion became you actually touched the ball for one of the few times in the past few years?  Or maybe it just never entered your obviously concussed brain that it was simply a joke of the highest order – to your OWN TEAM – when you celebrate a meaningless TD against the second string D in a rout of your squad.  Props to you William, you should be proud.  Not of your on-field performance, that was shameful, but of being named this week’s WTTCOBLB winner.  Congratulations, moron.


Final Thoughts from The Last Row –


·          Punt, Pass and Kick. Now, we love punters – they are the everyman in the NFL.  And they are certainly important to the field position game of any team.  The same goes for the kickers – God knows we love David Akers in Philly.  However, let’s get real here a moment.  Isn’t the purpose of this NFL-sponsored program to introduce kids to the fundamentals of the sport?  Do we really think that the NFL is built on Punting, Passing, and Kicking?  Maybe they should re-name this program to the Run, Catch, and Throw competition.  Or if you want to take a more defensive bent – the Run, Catch, and Hit program.  If you’re shooting for pure realism – maybe go with the Philandering, Contract Negotiating, and Showboating competition.  But drop Punt and Kick will ya?  It’s just embarrassing at this point…


·          Christmas is around the corner. You know what that means – bad Christmas specials. We’re not for censorship in general, but there should be a board assembled which approves programming based on quality. There is plenty of good Christmas-programming out there, but there is so much more, bad Christmas- programming out there.


Most of our twelve readers don’t usually see these shows because they are on channels with names like We, Oxygen, Hallmark and Lifetime, but there are many out there, and they are legion. Hey, we love Christmas shows, but how many times can we see Peter Falk as an angel. Or Nancy McKeon as an angel. Or Jared from Subway as an angel. Enough is enough.


We have some suggestions for Christmas specials below. We think you would enjoy them. Any TV execs you guys know? Please feel free to pass these ideas on.


·          Everything the Last Row knows about modern Hip Hop, the Last Row has learned from the Madden 2005 soundtrack.



·          A local sports radio/TV host has a fur collection he is selling through a fur store. You read this right, a fur collection, it’s a long story. Just trust us on this one.


No man should wear a fur. We don’t say this for animals’ rights. We say this simply because guys in furs don’t look right. Please, this needs to stop. (Note – Jevon Kearse is featured in one of the ads. We’re not telling him to not wear furs. Mr. Kearse can wear whatever he likes.)


·          The Last Row would like to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season, and a very happy New Year.  (Except to Cowboy fans…  or Giant fans…  or Redskin fans…  or opposing NFC fans… or fans of any other teams… or people who have ever said an unkind word about the Eagles… or…)

[Editor’s note: They are just kidding, we’re sure.  Right, guys?  Guys??  Um… well, on behalf of and the Last Row, whether they like it or not, Happy Holidays everyone!]




The Last Row’s Top Six:


Top Six Christmas Specials We’d Like to See


6. The Annoying, Happy Old Navy Singers Die a Horrid, Horrid Death – This feel good special (60 mins.) features the excruciating deaths of each and every one of those smiling jerks who mangle Christmas songs to the benefit of Old Navy. A special guest star would be the annoying ,cute, precocious GooseBoy from the Sprint commercials. “A goose! I’m a goose!!”. Boy, your goose is cooked.


This group of Stepford Experiments gone worse needs to be stopped, and televising the event would certainly make us all feel better about the holidays.


5. The AFL-CIO Presents: The Working Conditions at the North Pole, an Expose – In this special (90 mins.), Kelly Ripa interviews the downtrodden elfin laborers. Lots of grainy, off kilter shots of a guilty St. Nick need to be included. It would be nice if the elves would stare longingly at Ms. Ripa as she interviews the poor wretches. Also, Ms. Ripa should wear low cut red dresses, that’s just a suggestion on the wardrobe, though.


4. A Very Brady Christmas: Coming Down Your Chimney and Out of Your ClosetThe bunch learns about what really happened to Mr. Brady. He didn’t die after the last tele-movie, he moved in with his life partner– not that there’s anything wrong with that. The kids cope with the shocking news, as does Carol who begins dating again. Hilarity ensues numerous times for numerous reasons – and of course, we have a series of happy endings, most of which involve Cindy – who visits after shooting her latest adult films (Pull My Pigtails VII and Bully: the Butty Hinton Affair).


3. (There is no third favorite special, but we would tape The Annoying, Happy Old Navy Singers Die a Horrid, Horrid Death and would watch it again.)


2. Star Wars: A Splinter in the Mind’s Eye Christmas Special – (2 hours) – Still reeling from the terrible failure that was the Star Wars Holiday Special, George Lucas decides to give Christmas another shot. In this tele-movie, based on the 1978 novel, Splinter of the Mind’s Eye (by Alan Dean Foster) Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia end up on a mysterious planet searching for a lost Jedi artifact, the Splinter of the Mind’s Eye. They are, of course, chased by Imperials and Darth Vader himself.


This is where our special is different than the novel. Darth Vader is visited on three successive nights by the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future. These ghosts show Vader the choices he’s made and tries to get him to change. He doesn’t change, of course, and actually murders the Ghost of Christmas Future. Well, maybe the ghosts planted the first seed of doubt in Vader’s mind. You never know.


1. Outside the Lines Christmas Marathon – (24 hours) – Normally when a network shows a marathon of a show (someone please bring back Mystery Science Theater 3000!!), they show reruns. Well, due to recent developments – Bob Ley and friends have plenty of fresh material.


We figure Bob Ley will wear a Santa outfit and that poster boy for nepotism, Jeremy Schaap could dress as an elf. Nearly half of the show would be devoted to the steroids mess in baseball, and the Artest brawl.


The end of the show would have Ley and Schaap singing this version of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ .


On the first Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me An Artest in a melee

On the second Day of Christmas, the Sports World gave to me two Detroit shoves

On the third Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me three blind refs

On the fourth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me four racial slurs

On the fifth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me steroid doping rings!

On the sixth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me no NHL playing

On the seventh Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me no Niners a-winning

On the eighth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me baseball players spitting

On the ninth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me greedy, thieving agents

On the tenth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me washed-up has-been coaches

On the eleventh Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me domestic violence charges

On the twelfth Day of Christmas the Sports World gave to me impotence medicine commercials

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