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Initially built by NASA to set lines for the
It was the mob … ), the
6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot
was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines and living the good life.
The Betbot
was de-commissioned in 1990 after
wires and he retired. The Betbot
was discovered by FantasySharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL.
And nobody does it better
Though
sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why’d you have to be so good?
Carly
Simon
wrote these lyrics
about me after a particularly
pleasurable “session of sweet.” She originally titled the song, “
The Bot
Who Loved Me
,” but the Broccolis called Carly
and she renamed it for a James Bond film to “
The Spy Who Loved Me”
Why do I tell you this?
Only to toot my own horn?
No. I tell you this because certain NFL pundits used to do nothing but sing Brett Favre’s praises as Carly
once sang mine. Then Favre’s skills faded and he began acting like a jackass, to paraphrase President Barack Obama. Now Tom Brady is beginning to act like a self-important tool. Hey, he is important; but much like HAL9000, once you become self aware, the proverbial crap hits the fan.
Brady blew off the lovely, spunky Suzy Kolber
after the gift win the Patriots got from the Bills.
I don’t like some of the vibes I’ve been getting off Brady lately; he’s even got a logo! That’s right, he has a friggin
logo! Like Tiger Woods’ logo, except worse …
friggin
classless. Tom, don’t be a putz! You’re heading to Favretown
and no one wants that!
NFC NOTES
The Eagles dropped the husband of a Playmate (
Kendra Wilkinson/Hank Baskett) for the husband of a Penthouse Pet (
Carmella DeCesare/Jeff Garcia) this week. I don’t understand why they dropped Baskett. In reality it was to get
Michael Vick
on the active roster, but he can’t play until next week anyway. It’s a puzzling week of roster moves for the Eagles.
John Fox
should have a very short leash with
Jake Delhomme
.
I don’t know what happened to Delhomme, but he is single-handedly killing that team …
Tony Romo
is dating another blonde; maybe he should take some time off from going steady with dames, but I am sure all of those bleeping sports bloggers would upset without that drama.
Reggie Bush
dropped his pseudo-celebrity girlfriend, and it worked out well for him (except for the muffed punt on Sunday, but I digress).
Percy Harvin
looks like the real deal, but you had to know a guy named Percy would be a fighter.
The Jerome Boger
Rush to Judgement
Section
–
This is the part of the column where I turn off my rational heuristics and make a wild judgment based on limited, potentially biased data … kind of like my favorite NFL referee, Boger, aka
Southern Sassy.
-
Green Bay
will have a higher rated defense than offense, despite what we saw in the preseason.
-
Brett Favre
will last the entire season.
-
A.J. Feeley
will be starting for the Panthers by Week 5.
Jake Delhomme has not been throwing safe passes.
Safe pass = flip from right hand to left hand
AFC NOTES
So it looks like Colts WR
Anthony Gonzalez will be out for 6-8 weeks, and the way ESPN is reporting it you’d think he was the lynchpin of Indy’s offense instead of their easily replaced No. 2 WR.
It doesn’t seem right to deface a player’s lawn just because he’s a bleeping moron, but
Leodis McKelvin did actually lose that game by himself, and that means everyone has to deal with another week of how clutch
Tom Brady is. Yeah, clutch isn’t a one-point win over the friggin’ Buffalo Bills. Speaking of which, Bills LB
Paul Posluszny is down again with a broken arm – Paul, might I suggest an arm brace a la Iron Mike Sharpe?
Troy Polamalu
is on the shelf for a month or so with a sprained knee, which thankfully happened early enough in the game that Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth could finally shut up about how awesome Polamalu is. Five minutes into the season and I thought we were inducting
Jeff Fisher continues to fool around giving Fatman Crothers the ball too much (that’s
LenDale White.) Last year, White gained 3.9 yards per carry in 200 tries vs. 4.9 yards per carry in 250 tries for
Chris Johnson. Do I need to spell this out for you Fisher?
Speaking of awful yardage numbers, Pittsburgh RBs posted about 1.5 yards per carry against the Titans last week. Yes, the Steelers offensive line really is that bad – another reason why
Ben Roethlisberger is more valuable than you think despite not being a statistical dynamo.
Quick hitter time – what about those Week 1 AFC surprises?
Mark Sanchez! …uh, it was the Texans. No, really, Sanchez! … ok, I was wrong – he’s actually better looking than Brady.
The Raiders defense seems legit to me.
Brandon Marshall
speaks; nobody is listening.
Trent Edwards
.. .improved, but Pats D is trash.
Joe Flacco
…nice work for someone who sprays on his hair.
“YOU, SANCHEZ! BetBot is full of it. I’m still the hottest stud in this division!”
“Oh, no, no, no, Tom. See, I hear Gisele has a bun in the oven. Advantage, moi.”
BetBot Picks of the Week That Nobody Else Likes
So I get e-mail all the time telling me how terrible my picks are. Yeah, 60 percent-plus ATS terrible – thank me on Monday.
Rams
+9.5 over REDSKINS – Need to see more from
LIONS
+10 over Vikings – I am morally opposed to Brett Favre laying double digits on the road with his tendency to turn it over.
EAGLES
over Saints – Donovan McNabb will be out for this game, but so will the Saints defense.
So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and … BZZT …gin.”
