Wednesday - Apr 24, 2019

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The Sin City BetBot 6000 Presents

Initially built by NASA to set
lines for the

Las Vegas
casinos in the late 50s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The
government?

It was
the mob …), The

Sin

City Betbot

6000 calculated lines
for over 30 years. The Betbot

was given various upgrades through the years, not
always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and
living the good life.

The Betbot

was de-commissioned in
1990 after

San Francisco destroyed

Denver in the Super Bowl.
The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s

wires and he retired.
The Betbot

was
discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives
now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL.

The

Sin

City

Betbot

6000 Presents is
transcribed by Joe Petrizzi

and Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT…

is a dame’s job.”

Two
things happened last week which reminded me of a pretty scary incident in my
life.

First
off, my dear, dear friend

Soupy Sales

passed away. Ah, Soupman

(that’s what I called
him, Soupman) I am so sorry to see you go. I first met Soupy back in the late
60s when he and I starred in a number of plays which toured our fine country.
We often competed for the attention of our leading ladies off stage, but it was
a healthy competition and a fine friendship. One night, we were flying from

Des Moines to

New
Orleans
to premiere a two-week engagement of Neil
Simon’s play

The Star Spangled Girl. I was seated next to the lovely

Jessica
Walter

when
all of a sudden our plane started bucking like an aardvark who

got a tongue-full of
Tabasco sauce (pardon the expression, I’ve been in Texas recently.) I thought
Soupy and Jessica were goners for sure. I would

… BZZT …

have survived, my memory anyway, my hard drive (at
the time) was decades ahead of its time and encased with a tungsten-carbide
cobalt

casing.
I prayed to my Catholic God for our safe passage, but thought the world was
going to lose a couple of shining talents. Luckily we survived thanks to the
heroic efforts of our captain and crew. When I learned of Soupy’s

passing and the horrible
story of the

pilots who lost track of the landing strip

, almost
killing their passengers … well, I had to chuckle. Sweet coincidence.

Sweet,

sweet coincidence –
bringing a fond memory home.

While reminiscing, I thought, this must be what age-addled seniors must
feel like when memories become a jumbled mash of sepia toned images

… then I thought, I
wonder if

Sherman

Lewis

ever feels this way? Then I thought, nah –
probably not. I’m sure Sherm

is focused, and never drifts off when calling plays for the Redskins.
The way the players were playing, though, it looks like the players drift off
all the time. Then I had my sixth martini.

NFC NOTES

 

Pittsburgh

is a
tough place to play (especially when the referees seem to be on the Steelers
side), but I saw flashes of the old, cold weather

Brett Favre

Sunday. Sloppy, sloppy,

No. 4.

Minnesota trainers better break out the icy
hot for those creaky joints.

The
crew calling the Monday Night game was on target. As I noted above, the
Redskins look disinterested, and

Jim Zorn

is a dead man walking. No matter what

Vinnie
Cerrato

says,
no way Zorn lasts through November. And if Dan Snyder gets those Halloween
zombies he ordered in time, Zorn may not last into November.

The
Saints never play a boring game … except for the one against the Bills.

That one was pretty
bleeping boring.

The
Cowboys showed me something Sunday against the Falcons. They showed me they can
beat a good team at home after a bye, but still; they won.

Roy Williams

showed me he doesn’t do
that much.

Five
targets, one catch. If I were still doing the Wide Receiver Confidence Index,
old

Roy would be

at the bottom of all
WRs.

Jay Cutler,

either suck or don’t suck. Pick one,

this back and forth is
killing fantasy owners.

The Jerome Boger

Rush to Judgment

Section of the Article –

This is
the part of the column where I turn off my rational heuristics and make a wild
judgment based on limited, potentially biased data … kind of like my favorite
NFL referee, Jerome Boger, aka Southern Sassy.

Unfortunately
I was right about my prediction on

Chris Cooley’s

TD receptions.The good
news is that this gives Chris more time to think up provocative poses in the
locker room.

Shaun Hill

will start again this season for the Niners. So will

Nate Davis

.

AFC NOTES

– Here’s what I think about the whole

Larry
Johnson
issue. First, L.J. is a major jerk – usually you can tell a
guy’s a major jerk if he’s involved in several assault cases. Second, even
setting aside the jackass homophobic comments, let’s be realistic – his biggest
mistake was making fun of his boss! I don’t care who you are or even if you’re
right (and

Larry Johnson Sr. IS a better coach than

Todd Haley) –
you can’t go public with a comment that denigrates your boss and expect to keep
your job. Of course, in pro sports, losing your job = a two-game suspension. And
here you thought the Chiefs were being sensitive to the gay community as
opposed to the Native American community, who they clearly don’t care for.

The
Broncos are surprising just about everyone this season, and have wrapped up the
lucrative Special Teams Player of the Month awards in both September (kicker

Matt
Prater
) and now October (kick returner

Eddie Royal). As I like to
say, first you get the hardware, then you start getting the chicks. 

The
Texans got a scare on Sunday when stud wide receiver

Andre Johnson
bruised something in his chest (lung, rib?) and had to be hospitalized. And
apparently Johnson got quite a scare when he had a nightmare in the hospital
that

Matt Schaub got hurt and

Houston
traded for

Sage Rosenfels to start at quarterback. That’s enough to make
anyone wake up in a cold sweat, and it’s even scarier that it’s based on a true
story – just like every new horror movie.

Darren McFadden

is recovering slowly from surgery to
repair his knee, and there’s really no reason to rush it. In fact, if I
were McFadden I would milk this at least until the end of the year, if not the
end of my rookie contract. No reason to risk future quality of life over a
wasted cause (despite

Richard Seymour’s claim that the Raiders are a
playoff team, which I know you are all taking very seriously.)

The
Dolphins are trying to send a message to

Ted Ginn by having him compete
for his starting job again. What they really need to do is step up their
efforts to finish a time machine, so they could go back in time and avoid
taking Ginn in the first round – that would be ideal. And if they’re fixing
recent Dolphins mistakes they can just keep going back and avoid trading a
second-round pick to

Philadelphia
for

A.J. Feeley. This might be a good time to remind everyone that we
have an A.J. Feeley and a

Jay Feely in the league.

Former
Browns GM

Phil Savage was pretty critical of the current Browns front
office this week, saying that

Eric

Mangini
and

George

Kokonis had “dismantled”
what he was trying to put together in Cleveland, which apparently was a team
with two bad quarterbacks masquerading as starters and leading the team to a
four-win season.  Savage is one step behind

Steve Phillips on the
list of “Former GMs who look really stupid this week, and may or may not have a
sex addiction.”  

BetBot Picks of the Week That Nobody Else Likes

So I get e-mail all the time telling me how
terrible my picks are.  Last week I went 1-2 to put me at 11-7 on the
year.

Jaguars
(+3) over TITANS – The Titans are still laying points. Are you kidding
me? 

Battle
of two of my favorite Goldenlegs –

David Garrard and

Vince Young.

Browns
(+13.5) over Bears – Everyone knows the Browns rot, but the Bears defense is not
going to hold a two-touchdown spread.

Raiders
(+16.5) over CHARGERS – I feel kind of dirty about this but San Diego really
has trouble stopping the run and Oakland might put up a fight this week.

So long for now, and remember: “Showgirls
and gin my friends, showgirls and … BZZT …gin.”

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