Initially built by NASA to set
lines for the
casinos in the late 1950s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The
was the mob … ), The
calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot
was given various
upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very
good at setting lines, and living the good life.
was decommissioned in 1990
simply fried a number of the Betbot’s
wires and he retired. The Betbot
was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He
lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.
is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi
and Tom Walls because “typing …
is a dame’s job.”
Lots of people asked me about Tiger Woods this week. I
understand that with my being a robot having advanced information on just about
everything, people just assume that I know the hidden motives behind every
current event. And the people are right – especially when the issue in question
concerns love, sex, fame and
all of which are specialties of mine. Let me just say that I’m all for matters
like this staying private wherever possible – as I detailed earlier this year
when I was forced to disclose my love child with Gisele Bundchen. But the cat’s
out of the bag here, and you know what? There is no hidden motive.
Tiger Woods has acted like a bleeping scoundrel and a
coward. I’ve been.. . ah … around, you know? So I’m not unfamiliar with
the concept of fame and money attracting the ladies, and with my time in the
business I’ve met enough rich, young athletes to know that they are walking sex
machines. All of which is fine … except that there’s a reason I have never
married. Tiger is supposed to be married with kids, and he’s disrespecting his
wife with this constant bedding of every Barbie doll he happens to fancy. A
one-time affair is a mistake; this was no mistake, this was his lifestyle. You
want to play the game, play the game – no problem. Some guys have wives
that are OK with the situation, so long as they are treated with respect.
So then what’s with you going around calling your mistresses, scrambling to
erase names from voicemail messages so you can hide your activities from your
wife? Are you kidding me? Some people have no shame. Clearly
she’s not in on the whole “open marriage” thing and yet you still behaved like
a cur. Clean up your house, Mr. Woods, and accept who you are – be a man,
tastefully divorce your wife and end this charade, and live your life as you
Also, if you could win a few majors next season, that
would be great – I put a couple dimes on you for the British Open last year and
had to eat crow in my circles when you couldn’t even make the cut.
– Fans of the Cowboys should console themselves
with the fact that they have a great
mall stadium, and should enjoy the
various kiosks and TVs. I am still trying to figure out how the Cowboys lost
that game on Sunday – they killed the Giants in every major offensive category,
and still managed to lose. It must be December.
The Saints-Redskins game was bleeping entertaining … but
seriously, we all knew
Shaun Suisham was going to miss that field goal
late in the fourth quarter, right? Bad things happen to bad teams.
There’s a lot of schizophrenic teams in the NFL this year,
but no team has been hampered more by its quarterback than
Jake Delhomme. Delhomme is
the worst starting quarterback in the league not named Brady (up until a couple
weeks ago, some guy named Jamarcus was on that list too).
The Giants have the first in a long line of ‘must win’
games on Sunday – if they lose, they can kiss the playoffs goodbye.
I thought the 49ers could sneak into the playoffs, but don’t
see them doing better than 7-9. Now that
Alex Smith has established himself
as a serviceable quarterback, expect them to make some noise in 2010. That’s
nice, but with
had at least nine wins.
The Jerome Boger
Rush to Judgement
Section of the Article –
is the part of the column where I turn off my rational heuristics and make a
wild judgment based on limited, potentially biased data … kind of like my
favorite NFL referee, Jerome Boger, aka Southern Sassy.
Bruce Gradkowski will be the starter for
The Saints will finish the regular season 16-0; the Colts
is now 3-10 against the spread this season, which has been very profitable for
my loyal readers. The betting public clearly thinks the Steelers have a
great defense, but their defense just is not capable of supporting the double-digit
spreads they’ve been laying, especially on the road. Everyone seems so
shocked that the “defending super bowl champions” could lose to these sad sacks
but last year was a different team on defense. The offensive line
problems have been an issue for two years now, and
Mike Tomlin needs to
wake up and fix it.
Oh, that crafty
Randy Moss. He’s waiting until the
Patriots run into a tough stretch before starting his nonsense.
Belichick kicked him out of practice for being late this week, along with
Thomas (who was apparently stuck in traffic). Thomas will probably
get benched but Moss brings too much to the offense. Belichick might want
to send a message about being on time, but he’s not stupid – this is the kind
of stuff that happens when you lose a few games. Keep Moss in your fantasy
My tweet of the week, @betbot6k: I just saw
Caldwell in a NFL Network commercial and can verify that he does speak. Camera
Peyton Manning’s hand moving his lips.
I haven’t discussed
too much this season and that’s odd, seeing as they are looking pretty for a
playoff spot. Nobody believes Kyle Orton is capable of making a run in the
playoffs, but this defense got back to respectability real quick, and that’s
the real difference in this team. Cleaning up on the cupcakes in their division
is a nice boost, but they are for real – and with an extra first-round pick
courtesy of the Bears, they can pick up a franchise quarterback next year. Not
Pat Summerall is really slurring his words. I’m not sure
that’s an AFC Note but whatever. He still sounds better than Lou Holtz,
BetBot Picks of the
Week That Nobody Else Likes
So I get e-mails all the time telling me how terrible my
picks are. Last week I went 3-0 to put me at 17-13 on the year.
St. Louis (+13) over TENNESSEE – Rams are no match but feeling the backdoor
here – maybe a
Vince Young can’t go.
Tom Brady is
the road when the home quarterback is
Chris Redman. He looked brutal
So long for now, and remember “Showgirls
and gin my friends, showgirls
and … BZZT …gin.”