Wednesday - Apr 24, 2019

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The Ultimate Season Preview, “The Other Side” Style

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? I guess, I shouldn’t yell, but I am as excited as a fat kid in a candy store about the upcoming season, I am here to tell you. I am sure every one of you is itching to get this season started and ignore your significant other for six months. I know I am. There is no time to fool around, as I have a lot of stuff to get to. Besides, I do not write those kinds of columns. This is groundbreaking journalism right here. This will be the most important article you read this week. So, sit back, grab your hard whiskey (or café latte if you swing that way), and let Uncle Lundy give you the necessary knowledge to enjoy the upcoming football season.

Speaking of significant others, they can be a real pain in the pigskin if you know what I mean. All you want to do is sit around for 11 hours on Sunday and watch football, and they live to show their displeasure by keying your car, or putting last year’s championship trophy in the garbage disposal. I know it can be quite annoying at times, but be patient. Remember, she loves you. But, if you wish not to have your personal belongings in a bonfire in the front yard, I have one simple thing you can do to ensure peaceful days of football watching for the season to come. Here is the ultimate trick. Listen up, as I will only say this once. When you wake up, kiss her on the cheek, and tell her how beautiful she is. I don’t care if she looks like a Bassett Hound bred with a humpback whale. Tell her. Then, you have to do the impossible and unthinkable. You are going to have to express your love, and with that, I will let you use your imagination as this is a family site. I know it’s a dirty job, but I promise, she will not come in between you and your real pleasure; football. In fact, I guarantee you she will probably serve you nachos to you and your ungrateful friends.

Now, let’s move on to the more important items such as predicting this season, and getting you ready for week one. For this, I am going to need some help, so let me introduce you to a wonderful and intelligent man, who will bring some much needed class to this trash I write. Say hello to the Lundaholics, Reverend Checo.

Checo:

What in the world? I better get paid a lot of money for associating my good name to such filth.

Lundy:

The check’s in the mail, sir. My readers are eager to hear your opinions on things. You are a much respected character around these parts, and you hate that Paul Agruso. So, we have a lot in common.

Checo:

Wait a minute. I am Paul Agruso!

Lundy:

Don’t get me started on him. Talk about being annoying. I wonder what fantasy sharks were thinking letting that guy write. The only thing it is good for is if I am having trouble going to sleep.

Checo:

I happen to think my articles are helpful to those folks who need rookie analysis. You, know, I don’t have to take this. I am leaving.

Thank you for your time, Reverend Checo. If I need you I will ring the bell. I am happy to announce that the good reverend will be giving us some wisdom in the season ahead. Oh, and I will probably make fun of him a few times as well. Alright, now that I have had some fun, it’s time to roll up my sleeves and give the people what they want; my predictions for the upcoming year. I will start with my predicted order of finish for each division. Enjoy!

AFC West

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1.

Patriots (16-0) –

Seriously, they are loaded. It’s not even fair.

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2.

Jets (9-7) –

I like Mangini, even if Belichick doesn’t. He cooks a mean lasagna.

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3.

Bills (7-9) –

Their defense needs some attention. Opponents will give them plenty of it.

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4.

Dolphins (4-12)

– I actually am starting to think they are actually run by dolphins.

AFC North

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1.

Ravens (11.5 -4.5) –

I haven’t decided on 11 or 12. I will let you know at the end of the season.

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2.

Bengals (11-5) –

Might be 12, if their punter gets out of jail

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3.

Steelers (9-7)

– Transition season. They will miss playoffs

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4.

Browns (4-12)

– Frye or Quinn? Doesn’t matter. They are terrible

AFC South

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1.

Colts (10-6) –

They will not be as good, but my high school team could win this division.

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2.

Jaguars (7-9)

– I am probably the only person in the world that believes letting Leftwich go is a mistake.

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3.

Texans (7-9) –

Bush and Young be damned. They will be a force, NEXT SEASON

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4.

Titans (5-12)

– Could someone tell why they didn’t help that nice young man, Vince, out?

AFC West

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1.

Raiders (10-6) –

You all heard it here first. I may be chemically influenced at this time, though.

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2.

Chargers (9-7)

– My high school coach is a better head coach than Freaking Norv Turner.

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3.

Broncos (8-8)

– I can’t sit here and tell you I think Cutler is ready. Watch him prove me wrong.

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4.

Chiefs (1-15)

– The McFadden watch is on. Oh, wait a minute. Oops!

NFC East

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1.

Cowboys (12-4) –

Save the hate mail, Eagle fans. You are not in Romo’s league.

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2.

Eagles (10-

6) – Not all is lost Eagle fans; Lundy still loves you.

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3.

Redskins (8-8

) – The Redskins are overachievers. They will not be in last place.

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4.

Giants (4-

12) – Even Coughlin’s own mother doesn’t want to play for him.

NFC North

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1.

Lions (10-6) –

This is my second shocker! Kitna is a soothsayer, I tell you. I am asking him lottery numbers, next week.

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2.

Bears (10-

6) – Them pesky Lions and Grossman mix like oil and vinegar.

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3.

Packers- (7-9)

– not yet, young Brett. Maybe if you stay in the league 2 more years, you will have a chance

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4.

Vikings (6-10)

– I Love their defense, but their offense cheated on me, so I had to break up.

NFC South

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1.

Saints (12-4)

– Could be my Super Bowl Team, but this is Romo’s world and we are all just pawns in it.

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2.

Buccaneers (9-7)

– I am the president of Garcia’s wife’s fan club.

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3.

Panthers (7-9)

– I have lost faith in Delhomme, since the incident.

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4.

Falcons. (4-12)

– I really wanted to put a Vick joke here, but I want to keep it classy.

NFC West

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1.

49ers (10-6) –

I am a homer, and I am picking them to win the division.

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2.

Rams (9-7) –

Truth be told, I think they are the best in the division, but I am such a liar.

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3.

Seahawks. (8-8) –

This is the beginning of the end for the land of grunge and coffee.

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4.

Cardinals (7-9) –

This is the same cardinals I like to make fun of, right?

Checo:

You have the Oakland Raiders winning their division. What kind of drugs are you on?

Lundy:

Did I ring the bell? You are not to say anything unless you are spoken too. I like the Raiders. With that defense, all they have to do is score on offense is 14 points to win most of their games.

Checo:

I still think you are high on paint thinner.

Lundy: I am drug free and proud, Checo, you know that. I am just not right in the head. Let’s move on, we haven’t got time to mess around. I need a drum roll, because I am about to announce, who I think will be in the Super Bowl.

After all the battle lines have been drawn and the contests have been waged, I think that the New England Patriots will defeat the Dallas Cowboys in the Super Bowl. Obviously, the Patriots will not get the memo about this being Romo’s world and they frankly, will be rude about it, come February. Brady, will once again be unfairly compared to the greatest quarterback in the history of the universe (some guy named Joe), after hoisting his fourth Lombardi trophy. He will need the Super Bowl bonus, too, as I hear his child support payments are a pain, but I digress.

Checo:

I just had an epiphany.

Lundy:

You just love to keep interrupting this wonderful piece of journalism, don’t you?

Checo:

I had a dream last night that I feel I must share with all the fantasy owners out there.

Lundy:

Go ahead. It wasn’t like I was saying important anyway.

Checo:

I had a dream where I saw on television that Braylon Edwards scored 2 touchdowns. I would strongly advise getting him in your lineups.

Lundy:

Do you seriously think they should listen to you and your dreams? Who do you think you are? John Kitna?

Checo:

Dreams do come true, you know.

Lundy:

Yeah, I know. They let you write for fantasy sharks. What kind of a Mickey Mouse operation do we have going on here? (Please, Tony, don’t fire me. I think this is a wonderful site)

Codknocker of the week

This week and every week, thereafter, I will be giving you my codknocker of the week. I wanted to make Lloyd Carr the winner of this prestigious award, but I just couldn’t. He has had a bad enough week, so I couldn’t just keep pouring it on.

So, my codknocker of the week is Wade Wilson. I mean, seriously, dude, what does a position coach need with HGH? I know, he said, it was to improve your diabetes, but with all the modern medical marvels, you couldn’t find another route, or at least let your employers know.

Well, that is just about all the time I have for this week. So, what have we learned today, boys and girls. Other than the fact that I need some strong mental evaluation; we have learned how to keep your significant other happy during the football season. Also, we have learned that it is indeed Tom Brady’s world and Tony Romo just lives in it. Actually, if you learned anything by reading this, you are obviously reading this article for all the wrong reasons. Before, I say goodbye to all my Lundaholics, I just want to wish you a happy and wonderful football season.

If you need some advice about who to start and insert in your lineup, you can visit the following link, and Reverend Checo and I will give the best advice, bar none.

https://www.fantasysharks.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=124937

As always, if you have any hate mail, fan mail, complaints, death threats, or if you just want to drop a line telling me how awesome I am; email me at Lundylove@msn.com. I might even answer some of your deepest darkest fantasy questions as long as it is about football. If they are good enough I might even post them in an upcoming article, and share your knowledge with the world

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.