Thursday - Apr 25, 2019

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The Week 13 Lowdown

I love watching football this time of year. You’ll find me in one place on
Sunday, usually which is my couch. The indentation of my backside sinking me
lower and lower, naturally forming is what I’d like to call the power lumbar.
Moving proves to be a difficult task unless there is a nacho platter present.
Most of the time there is a wide array of snacks. I enjoyed myself to no end
watching
Tom Brady
and coach Bill talk on the sideline about Tom’s bad haircut.

Mullets, as far as I know, went out at the beginning of the 80’s. Billy Hoyer
got some garbage reps as the game was well in hand. I laughed and cried tears
of joy as the Patriots were humiliated.
Randy Moss
was arguing with who ever would listen to his rants. The beard
he is sporting probably could hold a footlong hoagie sandwich. I take so much
pleasure in their misery.

My vote for Most Valuable Player goes to
Drew Brees
, who is the NFL’s MVP without question. Sure, you can have a
natural conversation about
Peyton Manning
and
Chris Johnson
.

My team laid an egg this week, but I was overcome with joy as Christmas came
early. I told you the
Larry Johnson
scenario was hogwash. Did you honestly think

Cincinnati and Marvin Lewis were not going to
activate Johnson? His 22-carry, 107-yard performance was the start of something
great. There is plenty of gas left in the tank for Larry. Expect 10-15 carries
this week against

Detroit
where the game will be a grind-it-out affair.

This week I have my eye on
Marcedes Lewis
, who has been making the most of every catch. He has worked
very hard in the offseason on looking the ball in and tucking it away. He has
been a reliable target. This is evidenced by his eight catches and 168 yards in
the last three weeks. That’s a solid 21 yards a pop. I’m upgrading him this
week against

Houston.
I like the fact that the Jaguars will be playing from behind in this one. Pair
that with

Houston
being in every game since Week 2 and my translation is that we have an old west
shootout.

Jay Cutler was Jekyll again against a solid

Minnesota defense. This week he turns into
Mr. Hyde and throws three touchdowns against a very mediocre Rams secondary. He
is a must start. I like Devin Hester, Greg Olsen and Johnny Knox, in that
order. Look for more of Khalil Bell, the UCLA product, if
Matt Forte
struggles. I think he has very pedestrian numbers and only
scores on a screen pass out in space. He just hasn’t gotten to the hole fast
enough for my liking. Pair that with the Bears offensive line not getting off
the ball and you get a very weak yards per carry

average (3.29).

Looking for a receiver this week? Look no further than rookie
Jeremy Maclin
. Maclin electrified the Eagles passing attack in Week 5. He
has been targeted 33 times in the last four weeks, catching 20 for 247 yards.
DeSean Jackson
is out and Maclin represents the one true vertical threat
against

Atlanta,
who gives up 10.73 points to receivers weekly. I expect to see play action
after the Eagles get the ground game going. Maclin sees work on bubble screen
passes as well and is very explosive after the catch.

Those of you who rode the
Jason Snelling
train, it’s time to get off at your stop.
Michael Turner
is back, though he did get dinged last week again, which will translate into only a handful of carries and
a few receptions. His workload will decrease with
Jerious Norwood
returning to action on third downs as well. When you miss
your stop, you have to wait until the next one and call yourself a cab. Hey taxi!

That’s it for this week. I’ll be the one still relishing the Saints’ humilaton
of the Patriots. Oh, Bill, what happened? I haven’t laughed this much since I
watched Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy get smoked by
Brett Favre
. Funny how they had to eat the humble pie. I like my pie a la
mode with a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream. Tasty!

Questions/comments/concerns to michaelfsarmento@gmail.com

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