Monday - Jun 17, 2019

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Thinking Out Loud XV

Off the Subject….Just Thinking XV…

How sad is it that Star Wars is now referred to as Star Wars IV. Boo.

So Duce Staley in an interview on TV says that he “…wants to join his teammates.” So what’s the hold up? As I understand things, Duce, you are under contract, no? Holding out after signing a contract infuriates me to no end. I know I’ve said it a hundred times in this space already, but HONOR YOUR CONTRACT!!?!

And now that he’s back, does anyone else think that he just wasn’t interested in participating in the pre-season? Classic veteran move.

Does anyone else find it curious that every time there is a computer attack that exposes a weakness in Microsoft windows, that same day they have a patch available to correct it?

Along the lines of the bathroom rules from last time, is there a better set of lyrics in a song than this: “Shake it once that’s fine. Shake it twice that’s ok. Shake it three times, you’re playing with yourself!”

The one good thing about anniversaries and birthdays (assuming you can remember them) is that, contrary to such Hallmark Holidays like Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day, you can wait until the last minute and still get a decent card at the store.

Don’t you just love seeing something like, “…. has confided in his friends that he wants out of after the season.”? Nice friends to spread the word.

Rafael Palmeiro and Juan Gonzalez are first ballot “Hall of Fame for Non-Competitive Teams” members. Can you believe that these guys would rather just cash in a comfortable pay check rather than join a team in the playoff chase? Lame.

This just in, Alex Rodriguez just hit his 250th meaningless home run. After the game he gave his usual comment, “Show me the money.” Wouldn’t it be something if he hit 50 home runs for the third season in a row this year? I think that’d give him more homers than wins that the Rangers have had in the same time frame.

There aren’t many things that get me more excited than when you drive off the ferry for a one week vacation on the island.

Of course, the corollary is, that it absolutely bites when you have to get on the ferry and go home.

I will pay money to get my wife off the “Picture People” email list. For those that aren’t familiar, they are a picture taking chain that are in many malls. I don’t mind going, because they give you great pictures in about an hour, but it is necessary that they run a contest every month to get us in there?

From the email pile: “Why is it that I know the best way to prevent a hangover is to drink a glass of water before I go to bed…yet I can never remember to do it all the time?”

Don’t you hate finding out that your alarm clock is dead the night before returning to work from a long weekend? I don’t know about you, but an alarm clock is not an item that I keep a spare of in my house.

In a similar vein, why is it that I see the sign in the window of the local flower shop, trumpeting their 24 hour vending machine two days AFTER I come home at 2am from my fantasy football draft?

This is why you gotta love fantasy sports: You’re lamenting the fact you’re in a tight battle in the first round of your head-to-head fantasy baseball playoff series. Suddenly, you realize there are some afternoon games, so you surf on over…your opponent’s only closer (Percival) has entered the game in the ninth, Angels leading the Twins 5-4. You are happy that your two relievers (Hawkins and Donnely) have done well, yet you are light on closers and hate to see your opponent get a save. Percival quickly rips thru the first two guys and it looks hopeless, yet the next guy draws a walk. Now, one of your guys (Stewart) steps to the plate…could he spoil the save while tacking on some much needed offense? The web is slow, terribly slow….then the update hits the screen: Twins 6, Angels 5!!! SWEET!! You don’t know how it happened, but it happened. You cheer out loud – and your co-workers think you are crazy – which you probably are.

Is it ‘bad form’ to bring your own putter to a miniature golf course?

I’m not exactly sure why I continue to get bathroom questions/comments: “…Doug, you have serious bathroom issues. One thing I’d like to add is that after you wash your hands, hold onto the towel and use that to push the door open. Wastebaskets should be strategically placed near the door so that you can toss it in after you’ve used it to open the door.”

Aaah, gentle reader, good point. However, the ‘push’ doors are easy to overcome when a badly placed rubbish barrel is involved. Simply turn and open the door with your back/hip/ars, or even use an elbow. It’s the ‘pull’ doors that pose the greater problem. In this instance, you are forced to stand by the door and wait until someone else comes in, opening the door for you.

Speaking of which, how long do you have to be with a company to submit something like this to the company suggestion box: “I’m a two-a-dayer, do you think we could get some softer TP?” 10 years? 20 years? Never? Just thinking…

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