Thursday - Apr 25, 2019

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Thursday Night Breakdown

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

I am writing up some notes as I watch the Thursday night game between the Titans and the Colts.  Here are some talking points for the Friday water cooler:

1. I know it’s in vogue to make fun of the awfulness of the NFL Network’s announcing booth, featuring the clowns
Joe Theismann
and
Matt Millen
, but what would you expect from a network that spends most of its advertising budget on itself?  It’s like a network run by a monopoly or something.  Oh, right…

2. It is likely that
Jeff Fisher
picked
Kerry Collins
over
Vince Young
because Fisher looks exactly like Collins now that they both have that gray beard growing in.

3.
Randy Moss
can’t get on the field.  Think about that for a second.  The Titans are 5-7 and spent the last 2 weeks without scoring a TD, and they can’t figure out a way to get Moss more involved?  Did someone make this waiver claim without notifying the coaching staff?  Seriously,
Nate Washington
over Moss?

4. Things I learned about
Peyton Manning
: If he throws an incompletion, it’s because his receivers are inexperienced and/or bad.  If he throws a completion, it’s because he’s the MAN.  Also, if the Colts have a successful offensive play, Manning made a great adjustment at the line.  If the Colts have an unsuccessful offensive play,
Tom Moore
made a mistake.  Basically, if you enter the Colts’ locker room and smell roses, Manning just blew wind.  If you enter and smell flatulence, it was one of those other foul mouth-breathers.  I like Manning but the hagiography is sickening.

5. Fisher has
Chris Johnson
on his fantasy team.  
Blair White
does not have
Reggie Wayne
on his fantasy team.  In fact, in White’s fantasy league, he may be playing the team that has Wayne.

6. My 4-martini pick of TEN +3.5 won thanks to a nice little back door cover.  Which is why you should be following my Twitter account @betbot6k.  That’s where I post my picks.

NFC NOTES


The Redskins suspended
Albert Haynesworth
for the final four games of the season (assuming they don’t make the playoffs…Ha Ha… I crack myself up). The official reason is “conduct detrimental to the club” … Granted, Albert has allegedly acted like a real turd all off-season and in-season. According to reports, he refuses to play in the base 3-4 defense and has a real Jaunty Reginald  (that was Dean Martin’s shorthand for a jerk) about playing and giving real effort. In …BZT…some alternate universe where
Mike Shanahan
wasn’t a bigger Jaunty Reginald, maybe Haynesworth and the Redskins could have lived in relative harmony; even in a 3-4. Shanahan wanted to exert his authority when he first came in and did it by kicking the hornets nest that is Albert Haynesworth. If Shanahan had tried to sell Albert on the to a 3-4 and coddled (yes, coddled – I hate it as much as you; but these are the times we live in) Sensitive Albert maybe they could have lived in harmony. But we don’t live in that universe. We live in the one where Sarah Palin is taken seriously.

Speaking of the Redskins, and as I wrote last week. The Giants beat the Redskins handily…no; I’m not impressed. The Redskins are a horrible abomination. More horrible because they had some promise at the beginning of the season, despite my dire predictions. Mike Shanahan has allowed a team which should have been mediocre to become a team that is much, much worse than mediocre.

The Niners are going with
Alex Smith
this week. I guess they have to, if they want to find out if Alex Smith is their guy after 2011. I’m pretty sure he isn’t, and they are blowing a chance at the playoffs to start this lost cause.
Troy Smith
isn’t great, or even good; but he’s decent…and decent is all the Niners need for a playoff berth.

The Buccaneers gave the game away to the Falcons. The Falcons took advantage of the Bucs mistakes when it counted, that’s the difference between these two teams, and why the Falcons will be playing past the first weekend in January.

Brett Favre = Cougar…
Last week I discussed my concerns over Tom Brady’s public image and femininity. This week, I will equate another star QB with a certain type of woman, the North American Cougar. Brett and the Cougar both hang around much younger men. Both create unnecessary drama when feeling unloved. Both have issues with male contemporaries (for the cougar. it’s her ex-husband; for Brett , it’s Brad Childress). Both have embraced the naughtier side of modern technology (for the cougar, it’s sexting ; for Brett, it’s…you know…also sexting, allegedly).


The Bears beat the Lions, barely. They …BZZT…managed to escape a game that I thought was enough of a trap for a loss, good for them. They need to be more consistent with the very tough schedule they have upcoming.

Brett Favre Boo-Boo Watch –
A legitimate boo-boo! Favre may be actually affected by his injury suffered against the Bills; and would likely hurt his team if he played this week. So – yeah – he’s gonna start.

AFC NOTES


 Earlier in the season I noted that the Jets were too one-dimensional on offense, needing better QB play to make like a contender in the AFC.  
Mark Sanchez
has actually improved his game this season, but last week against the Patriots he was terrible – and that kind of play will ultimately hold the Jets back.  Sanchez won’t be a great QB, at least not this season.  But he has to make the plays when they are available to him, and against an absolutely terrible New England defense he left a bunch of yards and points on the field.

People are asking why
Matt Cassel
can’t play this weekend after having an appendectomy this week.  Can we let the stitches heal before calling him out for not playing the Chargers?  Seriously, he’s a QB, are we so crazy about football that we want to see Cassel’s insides dump out onto the field after he takes a shot to the midsection?  Apparently so.

Pizza Hut has a pizza now where the crust is apparently made of mozzarella sticks called “cheesy bites.”  This has little to do with the AFC except that I think this pizza is
Sebastian Janikowski
’s pre-game meal.

Chad Ochocinco
has a pistachio commercial, a video game commercial, and a reality show.  
Dhani Jones
is pimping some kind of fragrance/odor-killing spray, and he also has a TV show on the Travel Channel (assuming it hasn’t been canceled yet.)  Now, Jones is pretty awful as far as linebackers go, but he’s still a team captain.  These guys are on a 2-7 team and need to spend more time practicing football.

That was a wicked broken nose
Haloti Ngata
gave to
Ben Roethlisberger
.  I particularly enjoyed the early sideline reports on NBC where Pittsburgh said that the nose wasn’t broken.  That’s some gripping sideline reporting, Andrea Kremer.  Any chance for a follow-up question like “OK, not broken.  Hmmm.  Any reason why he can’t get it to stop bleeding, then? Is he going through chemo or something?”

Josh McDaniels
was clearly over-matched, and I have been beating that drum for some time, now.  Pat Bowlen finally realized that this week, which is the good news.  The bad news for Broncos fans is that in less than 2 years, young Josh ran the franchise QB and the #1 wide receiver out of town.  He also spent a first round pick on a backup QB that can’t even get on the field for his 3-9 squad.  This is going to take a bit of time to recover.  At least McDaniels was a likable chap…oh right, he was kind of an arrogant d-bag.  Not the best of times in Denver.

I find Miami quite disappointing.  I picked them to be a contender, but I watch this team and cannot believe their mediocrity.  Something needs to change down there, they just don’t have enough elite players.  Solid is not going to get it done while
Tom Brady
is still in the division.  Although Miami fans should remember, as I am wont to point out this time of year, be happy you aren’t in Buffalo.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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