Monday - Jun 17, 2019

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Time To Vote

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.


I’ll keep the intro short this week. I have a ton of Christmas gifts to buy still. Svetlana and I broke up, but are back together again. I have a bunch of caviar coming in from the Black Sea, and need to find a glass maker who can make crystal slippers in her size.

Anyhow, the year end awards
nomination thread is up

. Please make your point of view known; we’ll be quoting the Sharks in the year end awards!

NFC NOTES



Michael Vick
wants to get a dog. That dog will be the most protected creature in the world (besides Kate Middleton), absolutely no harm will come to that animal. I’m no fan of what Vick did, (and let’s not forget the fact that he did run a multi-state criminal enterprise) but he did his time, and is acting contrite. He has made some very stupid decisions, yes, but let the guy have a pooch. If something happens to Spot, then we can chase Vick down the street with burning torches.

The Redskins missed a chance to push a game into overtime versus the Buccaneers with a botched extra point. That’s what happens to bad, poorly coached teams.

Brett Favre Boo Boo Watch
– The only thing injured on Favre now must be his ego. You know if Favre had retired four or …BZZZT… five years ago, I would have dedicated an entire article to his legacy. Now, he’s a running gag. A sad fall for a sad, fame-hungry man.

NFC West – does it still exist? Is there anything worth writing about in this division? I miss the days of
Mumbling Jimmy Raye
.

I believe the Saints or Eagles are the best teams in the NFC right now. Both teams would likely have to play in Atlanta for a NFC Championship Game, and I can’t go against the Falcons at home.

While I do like the Eagles, they are hurt, and could very well lose in North Jersey this weekend. The Eagles then would likely slip into the playoffs as a sixth seed. That loss against the Redskins at home early in the season will haunt them all the more if they lose this Sunday.

The Bears will win the NFC North, but the Patriots showed every other team how to beat them. Of course, having a QB as efficient as pretty boy Tom Brady helps quite a bit.

I’m looking forward to the Monday Night game this week. A small stadium and a good chance of snow, the game should be very sloppy; which is the Vikings best chance at a win.

I am a proponent of taking the roof off the Metrodome, why not? No baseball will ever be played there again, the Vikings aren’t home again this year… Just rip the roof off and let them play in the elements going forward. Hell, put some bleeping grass seed down while you’re at it!

AFC NOTES


I bet that
Sal Alosi
did not expect this kind of reaction to leaning his knee out in front of some Dolphins’ scrub punt coverage gunner.  Probably 80% of the meat-heads running around on an NFL sideline would give into that same temptation if given the opportunity.  I like to think that
Rex Ryan
instructed him to do that.  I doubt that’s true, but in my mind it’s entirely possible and that’s just like being true as far as I care.

Sticking with the Jets,
Mark Sanchez
is absolutely killing them right now, as I suspected he would earlier this season.  He just dropped two turds in a row, both divisional opponents.  He had a nice run with some late game heroics, but without those kinds of clutch performances, they are going to be left out of the playoffs.  Long term he has to get better to make a difference in the NFL – a 54% completion rate and throwing a pick every game is not helping the Jets get closer to a championship level offense – because counting on miracles every week is not sustainable.

Unless we are talking about the miracle that is
Jeff Fisher’s
moustache.  That is entirely sustainable and will soon support it’s own colony of microscopic organisms that are currently unclassified by modern biology.  His moustache is like the rain forest –  who knows what kind of life-saving miracle drugs could be culled from that glorious tuft of facial hair?

Many a fantasy owner that grew fat on
Dwayne Bowe’s
teet are gnashing their teeth over
Matt Cassel’s
appendix right now.  
Brodie Croyle
really gave you the finger last weekend.

Ben Roethlisberger
must have
quite the broken nose

.  After seeing the video of his schnoz turning sideways when
Haloti Ngata
hit him two weeks ago, and then seeing the pro wrestling-style cast he was fitted with for the Bengals game, I am pretty sure we are looking at permanent damage here.  Most importantly, however, this will not impact his ability to snort coke off a hooker in the future…so no lifestyle changes in order.

Prior to
Stevie Johnson’s
outburst against God, he averaged 6+ catches for 80+ yards and a TD per game.  In the two games since calling out God for “doing” Stevie dirty: 7 catches, 88 yards, no TDs.  Basically what I am saying is stay away from this man because something very bad is about to happen to him.

New England rode roughshod over the Bears last Sunday, this was amazing because the game was played in “Chicago weather,” with blizzard-like conditions.  I only say it was amazing because everyone keeps saying it was amazing.  It’s not like
Tom Brady
wasn’t the winning QB in the
second most famous cold weather game

in NFL history or anything.  He’s the spokesman for Ugg boots, for crying out loud!

I can foresee Patriots’ fans having conniptions over being called second best at something.  Please do not send me any more nasty e-mails.  I fully recognize that everything from New England is historically significant to your section of the population, however, the tuck rule game ain’t got nothin’ on
the Ice Bowl

.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, knows how to rack up meaningless stats like the Houston Texans.  Even in a game where their second half fireworks actually allow them to come back and tie the game, they still end up losing.  How can
Matt Schaub
light it up like a practice drill for 20 minutes and then throw that turdball from his own end zone in overtime?  That was hard to watch, and I say that as someone who marvels that
Gary Kubiak
is running a pro football team.  If Houston was a city that cared about football Kubiak would have been run out of town two years ago.  After watching yet another defense ranked at the bottom of the NFL, this has to be the end right?  You just can’t have a blind spot that big and succeed.

Whoever is responsible for playing the same NFL films commercials on the NFL network needs to be stopped.  If I hear “
Devin Hester
, you are ridiculous!” one more time I am going to throw a gear.  All that NFL Films footage, and you can’t make a second commercial?  It’s bad enough that I have to mute the Thursday night games.  Bob Papa: “So why are the San Diego special teams so bad, Joe?”  Joe Theismann: “I will tell you…in a minute!”  C’mon, people – work with me here!

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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